They Tried To Make Me Eat At Rehab, I Said No, No, No

When is a club not a club? Apparently, when it’s a restaurant.

Corn Street’s Rehab claimed to be operating primarily as a restaurant, despite only having eight sets of cutlery in the entire building when inspectors visited.

Does this look like a restaurant to you?

Since opening in December last year the club has regularly attracted complaints from local residents. Finally, a council inspection revealed what is blindingly obvious to anyone walking along Corn Street after dark: Rehab isn’t a restaurant.

When asked what made them aware of the ruse, council officials cited the club’s website, which features the word ‘restaurant’ precisely 0 times, and the fact only eight knives and forks were found in the entire building as evidence people probably weren’t going to Rehab for the food.

One internet joker had their post on Rehab’s Fb page taken down

As a result of these findings, Rehab’s alcohol license will be reduced, forcing them to close their doors by 12.30 am every night and stop serving by midnight.

Rehab regulars don’t need to worry just yet though, as these changes will only come into effect once Rehab’s appeal against the decision has been heard, a process which could take up to nine months.

Until then, a Rehab spokesman informed reporters, “we will be trading as normal”, which The Tab can only assume means the place will continue its bring-your-own-cutlery policy alongside its regular club nights.