Piss, puke and pigs: What do you regret most about your time at uni?

Too much sex? Too many drugs?  Too much rock n’ roll?

You’re supposed to have the best time of your life at uni but just try and tell that to these miserable bastards.

We took on London’s elite to ask them what they regretted most about their university days. But after they ignored us we asked some others. Here’s what they had to say.

Louis

Louis told us he received a £200 fine for chucking a chunder engulfed mattress down a spiral staircase in Paris. #Nutter

Winston

George Orwell once said “that a man has the face he deserves by the time he’s 50”. Keeping this in mind, we asked Winston where all the bodies were buried.

Rex

Rex took time out of his 12 year gap year to tell us that his biggest regret was never going to uni.

Iwona

Iwona told us uni made her feet hurt…we can only guess why.

Leo

Leo’s mate has bladder troubles, and you know when you spend your uni years cleaning up piss, urine trouble.

Sandy

Sandy made the amateur mistake of copping off with her flatmate. And then the even bigger mistake of actually going out with him.

The police

The 5-0 claimed their biggest regret was not having enough time to stop and speak to us.

Geraldine

Geraldine studied in America. America is expensive.

Willow

Willow’s answer was breathtakingly original.

Spencer

Spencer reminded us a lot of the guy who goes around killing people in A Clockwork Orange.

Nigella

Nigella told us she was feeling a little ‘spaced out’. Must have been something in the tea…

Name withheld for legal reasons

This guy only ever did one exam on his life. He claims to have GCSEs, A-Levels and a first class honours degree in his CV.

Siobhan

Siobhan regrets not wrapping herself in bacon and getting shitfaced with some lacrosse players.

Bruno

Bruno regrets the amount he ‘goofed off’. To this day maintains a healthy interest in goofing.

Alex

Alex had some sound advice and a natty hat.

Carly

Carly was a bit of a troublemaker.

Dan

Dan still found a job though.

Steve

Steve put the “p”, “a”, “r”, “t” and “y” in the word “party” during his time at university.

William

William is a big fucking wuss.

Liam

Liam won’t be having sex in the communal kitchen again any time soon.

Noel

Noel regretted “not taking a sabbatical”. Interesting stuff there Noel.

Paddy

Paddy vacillated more than Hamlet.

Michelle

Michelle is now following her dream… of making costumes.

 Names have been changed.