The worst places around campus to run into bae

Let’s face it, no one has “boyfriends” anymore. “Crushes” too are a thing of the past. Bae is the new normal. Bae doesn’t mean BAE systems the massive weapons manufacturer, Bae doesn’t mean “Bae” the Danish word for poo.

It’s 2015 and Bae means one thing and one thing only: a slightly cringe word you use to address your significant other. Or, increasingly, anything you’re attracted to in any way, like this ice cream:

In some cultures, even ice cream is considered to be bae

However, the most popular use of the term is to refer to someone (sorry if this is a little crude) you’re banging, shagging, sleeping with. Bae can be a fuck buddy or a guy in the gym who you’re admiring from afar.

How to turn a love interest into a relationship? You’re probably going to need an interaction of some kind and awkward eye contact doesn’t count.

If you want your secret obsession with potential bae to turn into the kind of relationship where you can finally change your relationship status on facebook (which, let’s admit, is the real #relationshipgoal) you’re going to want your interactions to be perfect. Here’s a bunch of places to avoid:

The Student Health Service

No one should be conversing in the Student Health Service. You are there to talk to the doctor and only the doctor. No one else. You shouldn’t even be talking to the receptionists, that’s why they have the touch screen check in machines so they can keep conversation to an absolute minimum.

Plus, you’re both thinking the exact same thing; what the fuck are you doing here? Is he getting tested? Does he think I’m getting tested?!

Better start coughing or sneezing so he knows I’m just there to check my cold isn’t pneumonia.

This is no place for conversation.

The Pregnancy Test Aisle in Boots

Bristol is a big place. There are thousands of students and hundreds of shops. There are three Boots stores alone within walking distance from uni. There’s no way that you’ll run into bae in the pregnancy test aisle in Boots a week after you guys had that one night stand. Right?!

Wrong. It happens.

You’ve got to act like you’re just passing through and not freaking out about the fact that you forget to take the pill yesterday.

Not exactly a lovers paradise

Seminars

We’re not in first year anymore, I actually need to pay attention now. I completely missed everything that was said in the lecture we had because I spent an hour on fucking baewatch so this seminar is my only hope at understanding whatever we’re supposed to be learning. Don’t talk to me. Even eye contact is too much to handle.

Clubs

Your outfit is on point, you’re drunk enough to talk to strangers and you’re in one of the few environments where grinding up against a stranger and proceeding to make out with them is socially acceptable. Hypothetically this should be the perfect place to run into bae, right?

It’s not. You’re drunk, sweaty and your dance moves are a mix between the shark at Katy Perry’s superbowl performance and Taylor Swift at an award show.

Drunk in love (with bae)

9am anything

Neither of us should be awake at this ungodly hour so if by some unfortunate chance of events we are, let’s just not talk to each other.

Yawn

Gym

This is one of those expectation vs reality situations over here. You’re all over the place, completely out of breath and a little sore…the exact situation you want to be in with bae.

But wait till you catch a reflection of yourself in the mirror. You’ll realise you look (and smell) like you’ve been swimming in a pool of sweat.

It’s terribly unattractive. Stay away.