Why tech nerds are the coolest people in London right now

Tech nerds are everywhere. They are in every company, they are behind every app. Theo and Chris might be hidden away in some separate, glassed-off enclave – but they’re in charge of everything.

Understanding how to use computers is – obviously – useful. But what’s more, that contemporary knowledge is sexy. Making apps, producing music and developing software is cool and relevant.

I asked a male computer coder in a London firm why they’re fast becoming the sexiest profession.

Tech nerds are the new hunter-gatherers

Tech nerds are good in a crisis and can use sweet computer skills to resolve problems great and small. 

Practical skills have always been attractive

Cooks and handymen definitely make up a good proportion of (female) fantasies.

Technology is objectively hard

Developers have to basically learn a new language (code) and computer science and engineering are both tough courses. Not only are tech nerds bright, the self-discipline required to spend hours understanding complex details means that they’re often pretty driven.

When they work out (which they do), they look just as fit as people who aren’t in tech, which means they have all the usual plus an extra level of concentration when they decide to concentrate on other manual, bedroom activities. They certainly aren’t scared of vibrating electronic assistants.

We all live in east London near the office, take Ubers and order Deliveroo

The useful practical skills have changed. You don’t want us to mess around fixing your flat: we’ll find a cheap, trustworthy, handyman on an app, while taking take you somewhere fun we found on YPlan (though you don’t need to know we outsourced it).

IT guys are often arrogant, rude and intense

Sorry again, but that’s Mr Darcy. And Mr Grey. Enlightened feminists do expect equality and respect, but a little bit of bossy can go quite a long way.

The culture is cool

Hacker culture is an anarchic, don’t-give-a-shit, break-the-rules world. Playing ping-pong and doing LSD at work, and getting away with it because not many people can do what you do. Matt will hack governments, browse the dark web and hide secret Easter eggs in his applications just because he can.

In the 21st-century tech nerds have the power.

There might not be many left

This Tech hubris is largely fuelled by Silicon Valley – they’re the ones microtabbing LSD at work and doing billion-dollar floats. If Silicon Valley hits a big crash, culture might shift, wages fall and there will be a lot of unhappy tech nerds. So arguably, the next generation of nerds are screwed. That cool culture and ability? People who are tech nerds right now were learning to be tech nerds when it wasn’t cool and when it was much harder, before week courses and programing in primary school. That means they didn’t give a shit what people thought, and really were crazy, intense bright guys.

Now that tech is cool, the bro-grammers are coming. They already exist, but take my prediction: in twenty years, tech nerds will be like travel agents. So get one now – soon they’ll be as rare as the unicorn companies they want to launch.

And getting something that other people don’t have is a sweet, sweet victory.