Travelling alone is so much better

Going on a group holiday activates a curious psychological phenomenon common in women after childbirth. There is the pain and the mess and the agony of it all. And then they forget all about that and one day say those words, “shall we do it again?”

The answer of course, is no. Group holidays are exactly the same as repeated spawning: you shouldn’t do it, and here are the reasons why.

Love that uninterrupted view

Firstly, there are certain things you just don’t want to know about your friends and spending a holiday with them is a guaranteed way of finding them out.

For in close quarters, even the smallest things can repulse you: leftover spit in the sink, hair in the drain, and leaving food around the hotel room are three things people should be shot for. You love your friends, but it’s just easier solo – if you’re travelling alone, you only have yourself to blame for the smell and the leftover bath scum.

You will still meet friends along the way, but you won’t have to learn the god-awful things about them during your travels.

That beach just looks better when you’re alone

Plus, picky eaters are the worst. When your companions are vegan, dietary choices can destroy the cultural experience for which your travels. When travelling alone, however, you can go to a restaurant or cafe on your own and eat alone. It’s a great chance to eat whatever you want without sharing, take as long as you like, and even catch up on some reading. And if you’re scared of eating alone that’s okay too – just carry on living like a loser. It doesn’t matter. When you’re alone, you only have to handle your own needs – it’s pretty liberating.

Look how big this ice cream is – and I don’t have to share it with anyone

Planning is tricky en masse. When you’re not on your own, arrangements often turn into arguments. You might be on holiday in Barcelona, but one of your group is a raging philistine so Gaudi is just not their thing. Being alone is also not their thing – the group must stick together.

However if you’re on a solo trip and want to go to a poetry reading in the gang-run neighbourhood of Montebello in east Los Angeles, hosted by Emmy-nominated actor and ex-gangster Richard Cabral, then you can go right ahead – and no-one will stop you.

Don’t have to share this golden tonic with ANYONE

You can’t fall in love when you’re sharing a room, either. And holiday romances are essential. The group holiday scenario does not make for the most romantic of environments for you and potential partners.

Socks on doors aside, if you meet the love of your life on a beach somewhere hot and sunny, you know there will be at least one shit friend that thinks you’re ditching them for your new beau. Guess what? I’m ditching you.

Solo travel lets you fall in love at your own pace and gives you memories that look something like this:

On the other hand sometimes you want to get a full night of sleep. Perhaps you’ve had a heavy one on craft beers, tequila shots, and probably some weird European drugs you’ve never heard of but really enjoyed; you want little more in that moment than to collapse into sleep’s velvety oblivion. Unfortunately, one of your group snores and you subsequently spend all night and all of the next day wishing you were dead, and feeling a bit like you are.

That, my friends, is the reality of the group holiday. So don’t take friends. People suck – go it alone.