The Irish accent will always make you swoon

Forget the French accent – its position as the “language of love” is overstated. For it’s the Irish accent which makes me swoon time and time again.

Every time an Irish person speaks, it’s a sweet symphony to the ears, one that you wish would never ever finish. It crackles like a smoking log-wood fire. But why is it so sexy? What is it about the way they speak that makes girls weak at the knees and guys beg for more?

It’s gritty, but warm

The accent is the hot bowl of soup you need on cold, winter evenings. It wraps you up and tucks you in. It is fast-paced, but once you get used to the ridiculous speed, and just listen, you realise: its ups and downs, its edge. Even when the words they say don’t sound real – from “buddies”, meaning trainers, and “that’s so melt”, meaning that’s so shit – creating a syntax that is borderline incomprehensible, you will nod along because it sounds so beautiful.

You try saying no to an Irish boy who says: “you are looking paaaaaarrrful love”. Those rolls of the tongue, those rising sentences – it seduces you, sometimes literally. So it is, so it is, as the Irish say.

They don’t need good looks to get you into bed

Why do you fancy them? You can’t quite place it, they’re not even that fit, you’d barely notice them on a night out. But then you realise: it’s the accent.

Just the way they say “hello” has you in such hot flushes that you forget your own name. By “what’s the craic?”, (because, with the Irish, it’s never a simple, “how are you?”) you’re deep into daydreams of summer romance, weddings, and babies. This accent is a game-changer. All they need to do is talk.

Oh the luck of the Irish

But everyone who has an Irish accent is automatically fit anyway

It’s true. And they know it – the cheekiness, the teasing. Which makes them more fit.

All the fittest famous people are Irish

Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Niall from One Direction, Una from the Saturdays and Colin Farrell are all Irish and all so sexy. They can’t help it though – it’s because of the accent.

There’s a reason everyone fell in love with Rhys Meyers in Bend it Like Beckham, and it wasn’t his ball skills. It was his swooning Irish accent.

They have great craic

St Paddy’s Day anyone? It’s the best Saint’s day out there – the only one where people know how to have a good time. From dawn till dusk these people know how to party, and they look and sound bloody fit whilst doing it. They’re the life of the party: the first ones there and the last ones to leave.

Give her a pint of Guinness and she’s sorted

It doesn’t matter what part of Ireland they’re from, the accent is still beautiful

Fuck the haters who say the only beautiful Irish accent is the Dublin one. It’s a malicious lie. It doesn’t matter where they’re from: the accent is rich and sexy, but fun and friendly. If you’re not in love with the accent-holder, then they’re your best friend.

Even their names are beautiful

Sticking to their true Gaelic form, Irish names are beautiful. From Aoife to Ruairi, Keelin to Ronan, they’re unique and have their own meaning. Even if you don’t initially know how to pronounce them. If anything, the mystery makes them more appealing.

They’re both fit and they’re both Irish

The Irish accent will always look after you

You’re forever comforted by the Irish accent: you could know this person for two minutes, but they sort of feel like  a best friend, a soulmate, a light in the dark. You can trust them, because they’re Irish. They say they’ll “melt the tea” and you know you’re in safe hands. They’re always there for you.

But just don’t annoy them by trying to impersonate the accent all the time. “Power shower in an hour” and “how now brown cow” do not make you sound Irish.