BNOC 2014: The Results
It’s time to crown Birmingham’s biggest name
Harry YorkeWithout a doubt the biggest name on campus… sorry what was his name again?
Congratulations to UoB’s anonymous legend the Library Hermit!
Cheers for voting guys!
It’s been a truly amazing six weeks for the mystery man.
He’s been through it all: haphazard sexual haircuts, an avalanche of feminist haters, the inevitable and unimaginable boredom of only having books for company, yet he has emerged triumphant.
Despite admitting he has never been one for the big-name status, and professing that he has actually “never fingered anyone in Fab”, the Hermit is loved far and wide and ran away with the competition from start to finish.
Sitting in the Library on his last day before freedom, the Hermit celebrated his victory with a good bottle of Vodka in the company of his friends.
Speaking to The Tab in his typical fashion, this year’s rightful BNOC said: “I’m pretty sure that I possibly certainly definitely didn’t get anywhere near a 72% average, so it was all for nothing.”
“And to top it off, I receive a massive slap in the face by being given a fucking BNOC award, thus being branded a douchebag for life.
“Fuck that. I’m getting pissed with my mate on the bench outside the library, and then getting the fuck out of here.
“Can’t even get a Fab ticket. Fuck this, and fuck you too.”
We will all be sad to see him leave
It has been a great year for all those involved, and whether or not our Library champion bags those all important grades, at least he’s got eternal BNOC glory to fall back on…
This weekend the Hermit will also be revealing all about himself in an exclusive interview with The Tab, so make sure you tune in as we bring you the real face of this year’s biggest campus sensation.
Congrats Hermit, you’ve earned it!
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