Bristol is an amazing epicentre of culture, music and art. We have some of the best up and coming DJ’s, rappers and aspiring MCs.

So it’s only fitting to write something celebrating this cultural orgy in a way that all the happy people of Bristol can understand.

Unless you have been living under a rock, then you will know doubt have heard the monumental rise of grime in mainstream music. In a scene where “babadadup” means more than “hello”, grime has certainly brought some interesting characters.

So, we have to answer the question everyone has been waiting for. If grime pioneers were a hall of residence what would they be? And don’t worry the descriptions have been translated if you can’t understand grime speak. ‘ardstyle.

Wills – Dizzee Rascal

Top of his game, one of the lads, a proper geezer. But he just had to shun his old comrades didn’t he, moving to a big house on a hill, lying on his piles of money and “bitches.” Now the rest of the scene is pretty bitter against him. Maybe it’s his success or his fiendish smile? But the bridges have already have been burned.
“Rep de mon. He grow that scene nd make the green go green. Ayt too much green make him ill bombaclash sound.”

Hiatt Baker – Skepta

The most easily accessible entry onto the scene. Sometimes seen as a Segway to other, better and wavier things. People tend to pretend they like him or even assume he is the best. Although, this is not the case. Does being the most mainstream make him the best? Maybe or maybe not. Likeable yet average.

“Skep man drivin that german whip! BOOYAH. Nah, rep da cuz for his fatherhood of the new cru, but serious fam you no boss da scene no mo. Those hunnies aint on yo bombaclash fo long. Ear dat.”

Badock –  Big Narstie

Well look at this guy. What the hell happened here. Clearly he’s been having a little too much fun. And doesn’t he think he’s edgy, “Ooh I’ll do a free gig on speakers corner on 4/20 and everyone will call me a poet of the people”.

You aren’t edgy, you smoke way too much weed.

“Man this boy is scary cuz, he go ardcore and party like a proper roodeboi. The sexy ladies can’t get enough I ear, He gone bombaclash all over ma julies, watch dat ting.”

University Hall – D Double E

Okay well this comparison is bloody obvious, look at the guy. He looks like he crawled out of a sewer stroke crack den.

“Da Fadar, rep da Generals from da junglist scene. Solassi give the badman respect for his liquid tonguz and streethard flo. BUT GIV DAT CUZ A WRIGGLYS HE GOT THAT SWEET BOMBOBCLASH SMILE.”

Churchill – Sox

Despite having good rhymes, and being a pretty cool guy. You have to admit he looks a little bit out of place on the scene. Maybe it’s his attempt to join in the banter or the fashion, but you can kind of tell he doesn’t really fit.

“Yu better take yo shoes of cos this is SOX cuz, he got the bars locked tight for da whiteboys. Ez a lil 2 big boi for his booteys yo I don’t fink he knock me a bombaclash in the streets ya get?”

Goldney – Stormzy

Just a nice person who love their mum.

“He love his momma yo, no messin on that.”
“Bombaclash”.

Durdham – Coldplay

Not really known for being particularly varied, some people regard them as the un-toasted white bread of life. But if you look deeper, they have emotions too.
“CHRIS MARTIN YO, HE THE NEW SOLASSI OF THE BADMAN RIDDIM, REP THE CUZ. I MAKE SWEET MUSIC TO HIS SENSUAL FLO, YOU EAR, NO FOOS GONNA CROSS HIM U EAR. HIS CUZ IS JAY Z. HE FUCKED THAT PALTROW PUSSAY THEN WAS LIKE NO BOI. “Look at da rhymes, look at the rhymes and ow dey bust fo youuuuuuuuuuuu” Dat right dere is the king of all the bombaclashes. Soundsystem. Badman.”

“ClashaBOMBACLASH. word”.