Exclusive interview: The Fighter contestants can’t wait to punch Rishi Sunak

Amidst the rank smell of stale sweat and hyper-masculinity, 30 Bristol Uni students were putting the pedal to the metal and training hard for the upcoming Fight Night held at the O2 Academy at the end of November.

If you weren’t aware already, The Fighter is where Uni students can train for free for eight weeks at a professional boxing gym, at the end of which they get to batter one another in front of a crowd of drunken students.

“Danny Devito, I’d really give him a good punch”

Once we arrived at the gym, the contestants wasted no time in offering us some exclusive insights into what keeps them motivated throughout the gruelling eight-week training process. Thoughts of punching The Queen preoccupy Amy “Rumble” Ratcliffe’s mind (RIP Liz), whilst Rishi Sunak ignites the fire in the heart of Theo “The Lunatic” Le Vay.  Perhaps more off-piste are Emily “Blackout” Bolton’s thoughts of fighting Dani DeVito, I guess Matilda isn’t everyone’s favourite film.

If you are still wondering what else could possibly make someone agree to get the shit beaten out of them in front of 2000 students’, asides from getting to pretend to batter the PM, then Hamish “The Flying Squirrel” McMilan has it covered (no we don’t know why he’s called that either).

“I Go up, I do it, I look fit”

Your favourite rodent is in it for the clout and can’t wait to go shirtless for the “gram because he looks great topless”. He has, however, made it clear that he does have a girlfriend, so don’t drool too much ladies. Hamish is joined by “Easy” Tiger who is also excited to “look fit” in the ring for all of you lucky ticket holders. I’d be the same if I put in the grind for eight weeks straight.

On a more wholesome note, Mia “The Maverick” Plainer joined the fighter after being inspired by her boyfriend competing the year prior and can’t wait to build up her fitness.

At the other end of the spectrum, we have Trudie “Bruk Up Yo Lady” Brady who “[likes] beating the shit out of people”, and Olivia “Welcome to Notts” Smith who’s doing it “because [I] made [her]”, God I’m such a good friend.

If becoming a BNOC isn’t convincing enough to make you want to sign up next year, coach Harvey Hemsley has some words of encouragement, saying that “anyone with guts, determination, and the will to learn the art of boxing” has what it takes to become a fighter.

According to the expert, “everyone is human, everyone knows how to box”, so next time there’s no space left in Beacon, channel your inner Mike Tyson and roundhouse whoever stole your unassigned-assigned seat.

“I’m a lover, not a fighter”

With their motivations uncovered and the training program well underway we have just one thing missing and that is the all-important walkout song, essential for a last-minute pump before stepping into the ring. Mia “The Maverick” Plainer has it locked down with a steadfast classic “X Gon Give It To Ya”- reliable, aggressive, and intimidating, I like it.

On a slightly different wavelength, our favourite flying squirrel is going for “Fight For This Love”, hopefully, it works out better for Hamish than it did for Cheryl. Trudie “Bruk Up Yo Lady” Brady doesn’t much rate that though, instead opting for “Topper Top”. Sir Spyro never lets us down so hide your girlfriends because the streets aren’t safe with Trudie on the loose.

Unfortunately, tickets for the night have completely sold out, you snooze you lose, but fingers crossed there will be some resale ones floating about so you don’t miss what is set to be a thrilling night. The Bristol Tab will be going along to secure exclusive content on fight night so keep your eyes peeled for that too.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• Bristol University to offer £1 meals and free period products to support students through the cost-of-living crisis

•‘Not good enough’: Students react to Bristol Uni’s cost of living plans

• Bristol Uni says it doesn’t have a duty of care towards its students, claims lecturer