Bon Voi-age: The top 10 things we’ll miss the most about those red scooters

No matter how devastating, it’s time to accept the rumours are true: Voi is no longer with us. Don’t panic, however, as they are being replaced with new TIER scooters and bikes. Whilst we will miss the aesthetic blur of red in our cycle lanes (and hearts), we can’t wait to see some dashing blue scooters occupy Woodland Road.

As a final farewell, we have collected the best moments on our favourite mode of transport to reminisce over. Like a devastating breakup, a small part of UoB students’ hearts will always beat for Voi.

1. The Voi ride back from the club

This is the most obvious one – whizzing through the triangle, the wind in your hair, the road suddenly spinning a lot more now you’re going 20mph. Who hasn’t stumbled out of La Rocca at one point and resorted immediately to the hazy glow of red paint and flashing green lights, like a moth to a flame?

2. Main character moments along Harbourside

Just like the end credits of a movie, picture the sun lying low on the harbour, your headphones are in, and the seagulls are soaring. The skaters down in the square all stop in awe to watch the majestic image of you on your solitary venture to Wapping Wharf. I need A24 studios on the phone now, this moment has indie sleaze written all over it.

3. People spotting on Whiteladies Road

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s Tarquin from economics flying down Whiteadies! You think you might have made out with him last night at Brass Pig in exchange for a cigarette but that is irrelevant now as you watch him zoom down the road, one foot next to the other, being overtaken by a cyclist.

4. The thrill of overtaking the U1

Nothing beats the feeling of superiority when passing all those silly fresh on the overcrowded U1. Why take the bus when you could have your very own private transport, and look much cooler too? Just try not to get too close unless you’re Tony Hawk because steering is not an easy task.

5. Trying to get home before midnight

A modern-day Cinderella story, except your pumpkin carriage is a speed-limited two-wheeler with no fairy godmother to whisk you home. If your shoe falls off halfway through your commute the chances of Prince Charming tracking you down are not looking promising. Just make sure to leave the ball (Motion) before the clock strikes 12- the safety curfew has left many princes and princesses stranded.

6. The 9am lecture parking struggle

It’s a Thursday morning and your head is still scrambled from Fishies the night before. You’re praising yourself for the brilliant idea of taking a Voi to campus – so much quicker and more time to stay in bed. However, you get to the Arts Complex and everyone seems to have had the same idea – there is nowhere to park. After a good 20 minutes spent scootering around Tyndall’s Avenue to find a place to park your trusty steed, you decided to get a Senate coffee instead. Your head was pounding and the lecture was probably a waste of time anyway.

7. Seeing Vois abandoned in the weirdest of spots

Like fallen soldiers separated from their battalion, leaning lopsided on the suspension bridge in the early morning haze, you can’t help but stand and salute as you wonder what horrors it witnessed the night before. Nothing puts a smile on your face like catching a flash of red somewhere an e-scooter should never be: the bottom of the River Avon.

8. The triumph of fitting as many of your mates on a Voi as physically possible

Two by two you line up, awaiting Hugo’s (or whoever has the 10-minute discount pass) orders. Holding on for dear life through Cotham high street as you weave past the outdoor seating, what’s that ahead? An unforeseen curb knocks you into a faceplant outside Bravas. Luckily you had four of your mates in front of you to cushion your fall.

9. Being able to Voi back from Coombe Dingle when the number 3 bus inevitably does not show

Covered in mud and sweat after a gruelling match, dreaming of coming home to your low-pressure shower that has something ominous and black growing in the corner. The only thing that will take you there is an overcrowded, unreliable bus. When that doesn’t show, don’t panic. Like a knight in shining armour, you spot a Voi lingering around the corner. Your lukewarm shower awaits.

10. Meet cuties at red traffic lights

It’s a universally acknowledged truth that there is an electric kind of tension between two Vois at a traffic light. A stolen glance, a flick of the hair- they’re definitely into you, or maybe they keep staring because your bag has unzipped with your big Sainsbury’s shop and the contents have spilt all over the pedestrian crossing.

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