You haven’t been ‘friend-zoned’, she just isn’t interested

It’s blaming women for your rejection

9 years ago

Uni is full of firsts.

The first time living away from your parents, first freshers’ week hangover, first time realizing how much cheese costs, and inevitably your first time being accused of friend-zoning a guy.

This isn’t to say guys don’t friend-zone girls, it’s just that guys complain about it more. Not all guys, just the ones lacking the emotional intelligence it takes to understand when a girl just isn’t into you. The worst part is how commonplace it is to hear the term friend-zone thrown around so casually. They claim their inherent ‘niceness’ is what gets them rejected and cock-blocked.’ I can’t blame them.

In fact, the term ‘friend-zone’ and the phrase ‘nice guys finish last’ actually go perfectly together.

‘Nice guys’ are the worst perpetrators when it comes to the ‘friend-zone.’ They blame their inherent ‘niceness’ is what gets them rejected and cock-blocked so regularly, when actually quite the opposite is true. Ironically, they’re most likely not very nice at all if they expect some kind of reward for being nice. Seriously, you don’t deserve credit for not being an arsehole. Gracefully accepting rejection or incompatibility is just common decency, and if you can’t even manage that, then you need to grow up.

Believe it or not, guys and girls can be friends. It’s the term ‘friend-zone’ that implies they can’t be. The term itself is inherently sexist in that is completely dismisses a girl’s right to say ‘No’, once you eliminate that dismissal, you might find more meaningful relationships start to spring in your life because you aren’t so focused on sex as the end goal all the time.

I asked some students at Brookes what they think about the term ‘friend-zone’:

Benedict Lelijveld, first year, Biological Science

“Well if you believe in it, then yes I’ve been friend-zoned. Like a lot. Around 5 times. But personally I don’t [believe in being friend-zoned], so I just say ‘they said no, we’re just friends.’ I Can’t blame them. I’m pretty sure making them say yes would be illegal”.

Sian Rogers, third year, Law

“I think the term is stupid because it’s expecting the girl to fancy the guy, I don’t fancy every guy I meet but that doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with them.

“And the guys I do fancy, if they don’t fancy me back, I’m not going to be like ‘oh you friendzoned me’. I’ll just be like ‘cool, that’s life’. So no, I don’t think it’s needed, I think it’s just stupid”.

Imy Awan, second year, Politics and Philosophy

“Take a rejection, brush yourself off and move on. Friendzones end at high school, they’re immature.

“Basically, there are people that you wanna be romantic and get funky with and then there those whom you don’t – just because you’re not someone’s particular type doesn’t mean that it’s game over. “