How to procrastinate in exam term

If you weren’t convinced that procrastination is an artificial menace here are some ways to procrastinate well that do not include doing work whatsoever.

Let’s face it if you haven’t worked out how to do avoid doing work by now you may as well start now and try to get good at something before exams start. Buckle up this shit is life changing.

Read articles

Despite what Donald Trump says there are some quality journalists out there. The Daily Mail, The Sun are enjoyable to read but they won’t make you smart. Get your hands on some reputable sources and read a few articles a day if you can.

Clearly something interesting in here

If you’re left-wing, read The New Statesmen. If you’re right-wing, read The Spectator. You’ll become a more balanced and nuanced and knowledgeable person if you read a range of material. If, like me, you don’t like reading (ironic I know considering I am a History student), try reading the comment sections on articles or on any random websites – they’re always entertaining.

Comment sections are very insightful

Also read the Tab. And my articles. Please.

Apply for things

Second on your procrastination to do list has to be applying for things. Apply to anything. Often the last minute application turns out to be a door opener and, after all, we are all here to prepare ourselves for the future in one way or another.

You don’t need to be a calculating psychopath determined to rise to the top, but you can at least become a mild sociopath and starting seeing people as the means to an ends. Just don’t kill anybody. There are a bunch of cool things to get involved with and they’re a lot easier to get into than people think – like getting into Cambridge, getting involved is also totally hackable.

Have a bath

Having a long bath is an essential part of my day so much so that it has consumed my identity, alongside being a post-night-out-regular-kitchen-raider, I am know as a ‘bather’.

Having a bath is both relaxing and has the added benefit of making you clean; it’s like the free market but without all the negatives. The ‘it’s boring’, ‘it’s nasty, you’re lying in your own filth’ arguments just don’t stack up and ‘I prefer a shower’ is just embarrassing. Have a fucking bath.

That’s not me. I rise above it.

These are the fundamentals. If you fail to do one of or all of these things, there is still hope in doing other less useful, but by no means inessential things. Why not tidy your room? Cook? Do laundry? Go for a walk? I mean you could even do some sort of sport if you wanted too, but that would depend upon whether or not you’re into collective self-harm.

Just do something useful. Without wanting to sound like a self-help article: get yo shit together. And if all else fails, just drink.