It can’t be easy being a promoter when everyone hates you

"Hey mate, you out tonight?" Ah, promoters. We all know one and we all hate one. They're rife at every uni and they know they piss everyone off but still they continue. "I can get you queue jump and free entry, just hit me up!". No thanks pet x

Here are all the reasons why the hoody-wearing flyer-distributing creatures are the bane of our university existence.

The Facebook posts

I did not come on FB to see events, drink deals and offers for guest list. I also don't want to be tagged in every goddamn post you make about the fact Tom Zanetti is performing. Leave me alone. Same shit, different week, new fucking cover photo.

The famous TNT toast

Friend requests

Soda is not your surname. I do not know you, stop adding me. Our only mutual friends are promoters, your FB picture is of a nightclub logo and your cover photo is the event banner for next week. Please leave.

"I can get you on guestlist"

No I do not want queue jump before 11 and a table. Please stop asking me every week. If I actually do wanna go out I'll let you know. And to be honest, I actually like the queue (aka free fags and new friends).

Which one is queue jump?

Birthday nights out

The weeks leading up to your birthday would not be complete without the "Hey, I see your birthday is coming up and I can get you VIP and free bubbly!" No thank you. Do you see a pattern emerging here of some sorts?

Bubbles all round

Flyers

Free drinks tokens (before 10pm though), free entry (before 11pm), VIP (a chair in a secluded corner). It's all bullshit, and you know it, stop trying. I don't want your flyers, my friends don't want your flyers, my mum doesn't want them either. It's a collossal waste of time. I actually feel quite sorry for those of you who've been sent out flyering, it must be the worst job.

Door to door service

The "amazing" guest appearances

An MIC cast member from four years ago does not count as a celebrity appearance. Please stop embarrassing yourselves and the club. The Chuckle Brothers were cool when I was six, not 21.

I don't even know who you are

Getting around

It must be part of the job description – body count of 20 plus. Promo people pull, it's a fact of life. They go out more than most and so they pull more than most. I guarantee at least two people in your group have pulled a promoter.

My advice to you – don't promote and whatever you do, don't get with a promoter. Once you get VIP off one, they won't leave you alone for the rest of the year. Free bubbly for your birthday? TAKE THE HINT