Soccarena: A Game Of Four Quarters

Every Sunday over a hundred Durham university students travel to a desolate warehouse on the Belmont industrial estate, adorned in Adidas tracksuits and hightops. “Is there an underground dubstep scene I’ve been missing out on?” I hear you ask. “Is this why Studio went out of business?”. No, and no again.

This is, in fact, the setting of Soccarena, a weekly six a side tournament run for Durham students. With 16 teams competing week in week out to get their hands on the greatly coveted Soccarena trophy (figuratively) , it's not something to be taken lightly. It’s a stern test of footballing ability, and most of all, your fitness levels on a hungover Sunday evening.

Of course, it’s all the more grueling when you are up against a team of uni footballers, and all the more enjoyable when you are playing against a group that have the ability of a middle aged pub team.

Indeed, the quality of players varies greatly. In fact, Soccarena-goers can be broken down into four main categories:

The rugby player turned footballer

Playing against this sort of player, you are unlikely to win an aerial contests, but very likely to spend time face first on the floor. With no referees in place at Soccarena, the dividing line between the rules of rugby and football are often blurred, resulting in a uniquely physical brand of football.

While double footed challenges are still frowned upon, shoulder barging is not (with use of the walls being made to particular use in some cases). Fortunately, these players do have an Achilles heel; which they frequently miscue the ball with.

The team member who has been roped in to fill the numbers

With the tournament being held on Sunday evenings, Soccarena teams require big squads in order to account for internal head injuries obtained the night before (I’m talking about hangovers by the way).

These squads often include a few mal-coordinated members, perhaps rowers, who will play every three weeks or so and put in a shockingly poor performance. If a team is foolish enough to put one of these players in goal they are in for a drubbing.

The 1st XI footballers

While Durham university isn’t renowned for its footballing stature, 1st or 2nd XI players might as well be Lionel Messi when it comes to Soccarena. These players will seamlessly score dozens of goals against you, making your Sunday evening that little bit worse.

Once you have been skinned yet again by a Brazilian who probably used to play for Boca Juniors, and your buttocks have been repeatedly peppered by stinging long shots, you will begin to wish you had feigned injury and stayed at home.

The Average Joes

For these players, Soccarena may well be the only time of the week when their heart rate exceeds 100bpm. As a result, they compete well for the first 10 minutes but rapidly tail off, conceding multiple late goals.

Having not missed an episode of Match of the Day in years, their tactical knowledge is impressive and they will strive to play a Barcelona-esque style of football, but, unfortunately, they will struggle to put it into practice.

As it stands, the ‘Steve Ovett’ team are top of the Student Championships, with ‘Unsporting Lisbon’ hot on their heels. While ‘The Dan United’ (calling them Average Joes would be kind) are at the bottom of the plate competition, having yet to record a victory this term.