Why does everyone hate Durham?

Sometimes, when you swallow your pride and venture out of the bubble that is Durham University, you stumble upon other students who don’t go to our exceptional institution. Perhaps they went somewhere better, more likely worse, in any case most of them applied. Obviously, you rave about the hilarious nights out, the exemplary pastoral care and the wealth of extra curricular activities available. That’s right, you’re a bit of a prick.

Imagine my shock when they finally admitted to me that everyone who isn’t at Durham (and quite a few people who are) hate everything about it. “But how could anyone hate a top 5 Guardian League Table University?!” I hear you cry. With unfortunate ease, my friend.

‘Hateful’ – Everyone who doesn’t go here.

Firstly, we’ve got the place itself. For those of you who’ve never ventured north of Birmingham (we don’t blame you), Durham is, by and large, a Southern haven in the North, which doesn’t do anything to help the already strained relations between locals and students, constantly enforcing outdated stereotypes upon one another before passing them down to the next generation of Freshers, who eagerly lap it all up.

What some people love, but most people hate, is that Durham is a “middle ground Uni”, a disgustingly safe option: not quite as academic as Oxbridge, but not quite as druggy as Leeds or as boozy as Exeter. Oh of course, my mistake, you’re getting ‘the best of both worlds’ you say? Actually, you might just be contributing towards the well-documented Durham sense of superiority, which will not only makes everyone aware of your status as a tool, but will also fuck you over in the real world when you actually need to socialise with people who don’t know the quickest way from the viaduct to the DSU (Durham reference darling, allow it).

At the end of the day, Durham’s a parent-pleaser, with its low crime rates and emphasis on the wholesome individual. It works for private school students looking for an easy transfer from an insular yet somewhat stifling environment to…you get the picture. It’s all a bit predictable and, unfortunately for you, people fucking hate predictable.

‘Pleased’

Then we’ve got the Durham students. We all know that stereotype after stereotype is tossed about: posh rejects bearing Oxbridge chips being the most prevalent. However, what helps even less is when some naïve pleb plays up to it. Let me explain.

At Durham, we all know the nightlife is shit, so when people rave about it like they’ve finally discovered all that was missing from their lives, universities with a number of clubs in double figures are going to get a bit pissed off. It’s the fact that the same people who are commenting on articles that we ‘shouldn’t’ enforce the Durham stereotype, even if it’s served with a side of sarcasm, are the cretins who are constantly enthusing about the pastoral benefits of the collegiate system and their passion for Durham’s holistic approach. Pick a side, don’t be a hypocrite. Simple.

Now I don’t want to add fuel to the fire (but I’m probably going to anyway), but getting into Durham is getting fucking tricky. Most offers are now A*AA, but the amount of anecdotes about people not getting in, even with stellar predicted grades and the only explanation seeming that Duzza thought ‘they would get into Oxbridge anyway’, is too damn high. I can almost see the Exeter and Bristol students nodding along.

In practice, this means that even when we ignore the chips on the shoulders of the students actually here, many of the students who didn’t get in have chips too, in a 2-way fast-food based nightmare. And if Oxbridge reject them too (come on, nearly everyone applies to both), you’ve got someone who deserved a place having to settle for another Uni that, let’s be honest, they didn’t want to go to when they first applied.

That’s going to breed a little resentment.

Visual aid

Maybe this is all mindlessly stereotypical. Nobody really hates one university that much more than another, right? We’ve got no studies, no surveys and no hard facts to back me up, so please, if you don’t go to Durham, just tell us how great you think it is, if only to restore our faith in our UCAS choice.

We think we could be waiting a while.