Let’s be honest, it’s time we dropped our dedication to TP

Of course you’ve heard of Timepiece. Even Tatler knows about it. After a while your auto-correct stops changing TP to ‘to’ and your mum just gives trying to call you on a Wednesday or Friday.  Some say it’s the easiest place to pull in Europe. It is, of course, obligatory in your Exeter University experience to take on the challenge of Timepiece at least once. But surely once is enough for you to be able to see it is one of the worst nights out in Exeter?

Firstly, it is full of hormonal boys who see you as meat

“Top Top” is basically a lions den full of sexually frustrated boys out to get anything that moves. These boys are often from one sports club or another, so if you go there on a Wednesday (the main night for sports socials) you will definitely be hunted down and eaten alive.

Gross, sweaty hands will take hold of your hips like they don’t belong to you anymore and you will be swallowed up by the pit of helplessness. It’s not pleasant. You can never just have a decent dance up there with your friends without someone being prowled on.

Yes, these people are in most nightclubs but somehow, for some unexplained reason they seem to manifest in TP and in great pack-like quantities. Not ideal.

The standards are definitely not high

You will certainly see something disgusting in TP, whether it is fights or a guy getting a handjob in the corner by some poor girl (we have all seen the video). I mean really?! Do you see that anywhere else in Exeter?! Nope.

Don’t wear anything nice

Oh I know you can get it in most places, but the rowdy sporty “lads” in TP will definitely result in you getting pushed over or a drink thrown over you. It is lovely. If you value it, don’t wear it. You’ll either end up with post TP burger (potentially the only good thing about the night) juice thrown across you or the residue of your mate’s vom.

The Music

Whenever I have gone it has had potential, suddenly a really good song comes on and you are getting into it. Then all of a sudden an awful remix comes in and Take That are on to bring down the mood.

Why? It is clear DJ’s at TP aren’t actually great no matter how much they go on about Snoop Dogg’s visit all that time ago. Also, rumour has it that they once played the Smith’s in freshers’ week and cleared the place.

TP Wednesday’s end before it has even started

Last time I went it ended at 1.30…. Yes 1.30am.

The Clocks 

I get that there are clocks everywhere because of the name but only one said clocks works and it’s all too much for a tipsy mind to handle. As if you weren’t dazed and confused enough, they can’t even provide you with the right time. It’s time to go home, my friends, that’s what the time is.

The Downstairs 

Sitting in the smoking area is probably the best bit. Yes, all you do is sit there and drink with your friends which you could do anywhere. Recently I have noticed people used to go to TP more on Friday’s but numbers have dwindled and more people go to Unit 1 now.

Because TP is in my opinion the worst club in Exeter. But we still go because it is TP and we sort of feel like it’s EX4 moral obligation. We’re all thinking it. It’s time to move on.