The art of skipping uni

You know the feeling. In first year you could be out every night and still make it in to your seminar the next day, resting on the fact that everyone else is probably just as rough as you.

But now you just can’t face your 11am (which is barely even the morning, you lazy shit) and decide to take the whole day off after you had a few beverages last night. Can you still hack it? Probably not. Here, we show you the definitive guide of taking that well needed day off and getting away with it.

Email

Never underestimate the power of a polite email. Whether you’re missing uni because of a hangover or genuine illness, this never goes amiss.

The perfect excuse

Your seminar leader will probably appreciate you’ve given them a bit of warning before skipping that dreaded Thursday 2pm, and sending a quick email will help to explain your absence. Even if they don’t believe you, this usually works.

Blame it on Deadlines

Even if you manage to fool the seminar leader, you’ll be faced with accusatory looks from the people in your class. The slight turn of the head and gaping mouth as they struggle to realise who you actually are will shame you. Not even seminar bae who you worked with for a 10 minute analysis in week one will remember your name.

I promise it was my essay deadline and not the night out that made me skip. Pinky promise.

After skipping weeks 4-9, stroll into your seminar without fear. Slam a heavy backpack on the desk, sigh a bit too loudly and sit down looking as if you don’t have time for that Shakespeare class. You have a life, right? People will probably tell you they thought you dropped out – just explain you’ve had five deadlines and have been ‘literally living’ in the Ali G for the last month and they’ll get bored and leave you alone.

You were away for the weekend

Train prices are just so expensive on the weekend that you had to get the Thursday train home. Even if you aren’t going home, if you can’t even make it to uni after a night at Sound Control it’s probably best to pretend you weren’t even in the city.

You hadn’t done the reading

I mean, yeah you went out last night. But you also hadn’t read the 538 page novel for your Victorian Literature module, so was there even any point of going in? The panic when you’re asked a question about the end of the novel is not worth it. Just stay in bed.

You’d enjoy it if you got past Chapter 7

You’ll be better off taking a day away from academia, you tell yourself, as you promise that you’ll finish it tonight to make up for it. Nice try.

‘Can I borrow your notes?’

Your course mates will be pissed, but this is the ultimate way of getting around your missed lecture. You’ll get all of the important information without even leaving your bed. Just don’t borrow notes from weird Sally who spends all of lecture doodling flowers.

The key to success

If you follow these steps you’re well on your way to successfully avoid going to something you pay £9,000 a year for. Congratulations, you made it.