There are officially more rats in Fallowfield than students, new study finds

A new leading study has found there are officially more rats in Fallowfield than students.

Some of you (I’m looking at Unsworth residents) may be utterly shocked by this. Others (Oak House die-hards) will hardly be surprised. Either way, we can all agree that it’s pretty disgusting.

The groundbreaking research was carried out over six months by a team of zoologists led by Dr Remy Rate, finding evidence of tens of thousands of rats in the student area as well as hundreds of nests.

Dr Rate described the results as ‘astounding’

Dr Rate told The Manchester Tab: “I have never seen anything like it. The outcome of our study is truly astounding.”

It’s no secret that Fallowfield has had a rodent problem for years, but this is the first time a comprehensive study has been undertaken.

Stuart, a second year student studying Food Science told The Manchester Tab: “This comes as no surprise to us. After we had called our landlord for the sixth time about the rats in our house, we decided to just accept them as our own. My housemate is now teaching them how to do tricks.”

The council regularly receives over 250 complaints a day about pest problems

Worst of all, Stuart isn’t alone in this. In just one day, the council received 256 complaints from students claiming the pests were running riot in and around their humble abodes.

Based on the results of the study, one is never more than five feet away from a rat in Fallowfield. That’s closer than in London (and you all thought it was an urban myth).

Let’s hope the uni doesn’t use this to put up rents.

WE GOT YOU- April Fools!

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