I lived off a fiver for a week

Being broke and spending money on idiotic things is nothing new for students.  Being halfway through my overdraft I wanted to see if it was possible to live on £5 for a week.  A tenth of what I spent to go see Mcbusted in April 2014.  Yes, I actually spent £50 on a ticket to see McBusted.

These days are long gone

It all got off to a bad start – I couldn’t even withdraw a fiver from the cash machine. Waitrose was off the cards – instead I bought some pasta, bread and Tesco Value ketchup.

The ketchup tastes like vinegar.  Vinegar and pasta is not a good combination. And there was no more eating Ben and Jerry’s in front of Made in Chelsea. Life was going to be tough.

I managed to get through the rest of Monday without spending any money by getting a house of girls to cook me dinner.  I hoped  the exchange of food for my witty company could continue throughout the week, but instead they wanted me to do jobs to earn the grub.

That night, during MIC, I received a text: “To earn Wednesday’s meal, you can put up my curtains”.  Wondering how this girl had managed to get through six weeks of term without curtains, I accepted the offer.  Without any of the perks of being in a relationship, I have now managed to become completely whipped.

Tuesday came.  My parents suggested that for lunch I should try a toast sandwich – a piece of toast between two pieces of bread. It can even be seasoned with salt and pepper.  It tastes shit.

The dreaded toast sandwich

That night we hit Jam Jar.  If I bought a pint I would have no money for the rest of the week – I couldn’t do it.  So I was scabby and stole one.  The girl sitting next to me came over with three pints and as she looked away I took one and hid it under the table.  An argument ensued.  Two people accused her of being mentally deranged.  I got away with it.

Wednesday night came.  Typically the biggest night of the week.  But after minesweeping at pre-drinks I still wasn’t particularly drunk.  When we got to the trebles bar I was relatively sober. I walked home.

After Tuesday and Wednesday night I had an epiphany: anyone who says “you don’t need alcohol to have fun” should be punched in the face.  Repeatedly.

By the middle of Friday all I had left was £1.42 and 6 pieces of bread.  But I had a cunning, fool proof-plan to increase my funds.

The Ashes were on so I would place a bet and wake up to a tasty profit. I backed Jonathan Trott to score a century and he odds were fantastic – but his innings was not.  In case you missed out on how he did, he got a very bad: 9. Former England captain, Michael Vaughn, called it the worst innings he had ever seen from an England number 3.

With a pound wasted I now had 42p and 6 pieces of bread to get me through the weekend.  This wasn’t good.

With little to no dollar left, I got through the weekend on three pieces of bread per day and some vinegar/ketchup.

The big question is whether I could do this indefinitely to save money.  NO.  I was constantly hungry and I had a major case of FOMO on more than one occasion.  Although you can sometimes scab off friends or even major supermarkets (the one free cup of tea per day at Waitrose was a lifesaver), it gets very, very boring.