Here’s all the signs to look out for to spot a f***boy or f***girl

We’ve all been there: You think you have found the guy/girl of your dreams, have chosen the perfect wedding location and school for your future children, just to be ghosted and fucked over again. Rude! What are you supposed to tell your Mum, who already knows all the details down to their dress and shoe size? How are you supposed to tell her that she will not be meeting the love of your life of three days?

Luckily, we have formulated a short guide on how to spot a fuckboy/fuckgirl so you can protect your heart before it gets broken again.

They spend most of their free time on Snapchat maps

They’re the ones stood in the club with a treb in their left hand and Snapchat Maps open in the right. They’re hunting down their prey based on close proximity. They will most definitely hit you with that “I’m in Digi/Soho/Swingers too!!!” snap. Stay away.

Their choice of Emojis ????

Emojis say it all, if they use these religiously (especially the smirk), I’m sorry but they’re definitely a fuckboy/fuckgirl and there’s nothing you can do about it.

They seem to always forget that you exist until you post a fit picture

We all know that one person, who will tactically message you without fail every time you post an extremely fit story or picture. “Hey! haven’t spoken in a while, how have you been xxx”. Thank you, next.

They time their responses strategically

“He waited 14 minutes before he responded, so I’m setting a timer for 28”. Blocked, we don’t need this kind of energy in our lives. #woke

Bottle pictures on their Instagram/Tinder

They want you to believe that they are carefree, fun and spontaneously buy bottles on nights out. In reality, they saved up for weeks and are all huddled behind a small table while taking their turns of taking the perfect gram. Extra points if it’s a bottle of CÎROC Vodka.

Only texting you when they’re drunk (or hungover)

We’ve all received our fair share of “you up? x” texts. Although these are often ‘accidentally’ sent after one too many Trebs, the biggest and often overlooked red-flag is when they randomly bombard you with messages post big night out. They’re just hungover and lonely, not the love of your life.

Let’s talk about the unwanted pics

Whether it’s just an innocent pic of them in the gym to remind you that you haven’t been in approximately 10 years, or an unsolicited dick pic that is meant to somehow make you want them. If we don’t ask, we don’t want them! Warning: I will find your Mum on Facebook and send them to her x

No matter what you do, there will always be fuckboys/fuckgirls lurking in the bushes. You can try and save yourself but they will always find a way to slide back into your DMs. Our advice: stay woke and always carry fuckboy repellent (disclaimer: only 99.9 per cent effective).