This is what YouGov thinks you’ll be like after you leave Sheffield Uni

The future is not looking bright


International market research heavyweights, YouGov, spend their days collecting tonnes of information on consumers, including graduates from Sheffield Uni.

Using their insightful findings, YouGov have created a profile “show what is particularly true of people who went to University of Sheffield compared with other people of the same type”. We’re not quite sure where they found the people they have collected this data from  – these answers are pretty rogue, and most importantly devastatingly lame.

Take a look into the future and see the sad person you’re inevitably going to become post-graduation.

Politics, professions and personality

Politically speaking, Sheffield alumni are solidly left wing, which is not surprising coming from a traditionally industrial city and the university itself was created as a working man’s uni. Us Yorkshire folk are sheltered from the overbearing right wing presence of the South up North.

Once we fly the nest and leave the safe comfort blanket of university behind, YouGov predict that most of us are going to go into swanky jobs in advertising, marketing and PR, with sprinkles of some going into media, publishing and research. Not bad at all, and and apparently we’ll have £125-499 a month spare to fritter away, probably on weekends returning to the city to relive the glory days of uni.

Apparently we’re all good listeners, patient and analytical, but on occasion we are self-absorbed, accident prone, and difficult. And apparently we’re submissive – who knew YouGov probed so deeply?

Apparently you’ll look like this

Favourite dishes and hobbies

As we know, Sheffield’s culinary hotspots range from traditional British grub at Broomhill Friary to the spicy offerings of Balti King, and YouGov say our favourite foods are equally as diverse. Our palate is partial to some rogue dishes such as marble cake, moroccan lamb tagine, fried whitebait, and pork and apple sausages apparently. Quite a mixture there.

YouGov tell us that after three years of heavy partying and drinking, we’re going to be living a fast paced life of playing an instrument, knitting and cooking – the new sex, drugs and rock and roll.

Our general interests are thrillingly personal finance and books. But when we aren’t engrossed in these crucial interests though, our ‘niche interests‘ are ‘spending time with our partners, Sheffield, and communicating with friends and family’. Seriously, who lists communicating with friends and family as a niche interest?

On the bright side we’re all going to get a dog.

Clothing brands and groceries 

For three years you’ll exasperatedly try and argue our case that ‘Sheffield is actually pretty fashionable, we have loads of vintage shops’ to our edgier Northern friends at Manchester and Leeds. But in one fell swoop YouGov have obliterated those years of convincing as they claim Sheffield alumni’s favourite clothing brand is Dorothy Perkins. Just let that sink in – actual Dorothy Perkins.

Honestly YouGov, we promise we’re better than Dorothy Perkins

It will horrify some to hear that post-graduation no longer will Sainsbury’s meal deals and cookies be our go to, Sheff alumni buy their groceries at Tesco. Other than this, Sheffield grads go nuts for Sony, Aldi, John Lewis, BBC 3, Pringles, and most importantly Poundland.

Entertainment

According to YouGov, apparently the font of all knowledge on Sheff Uni grads, we’ll watch less than one hour of TV a week. Days spend binge watching entire TV series in a day will be just a distant memory. But who has time for TV anyway when we’ll be knitting 24/7?

Favourite music artists include David Bowie, Sheryl Crow, Simon and Garfunkle, Hayseed Dixie and the Beach Boys. We know there’ll always be a place for Sheffield’s very own Arctic Monkeys deep down in our hearts though.

AM ’til I die

Social media

A common theme here is that we’re all going to be massive squares, and our social media presence follows suit – our esteemed alumni’s top Facebook pages are ‘The British Monarchy’, ‘Oscar Wilde’ and ‘The University of Sheffield’ as we just can’t stop clinging onto our past uni days of fun.

Our future Twitter use isn’t any less bleak, with favourite accounts to follow being @Nigella_Lawson, @PaulHollywood, and thrillingly @NationalTrust. National Trust, really? Come on YouGov, just give us something to look forward to.

Our top apps just ooze ‘cool’, including the Good Beer Guide, Soundhound, and the most exciting by a long shot is ‘Eye Check by Boots Opticians’ – which has supposedly amassed more downloads than Flappy Bird ever did.

It’s all downhill from here.