Official: We are more attractive and happier than our Varsity rivals

In an alternative to the usual league tables, we’ve finally topped our rivals in best way possible – we are far nicer and more attractive than the University of Nottingham.

A survey asked over 1000 students from across the UK questions about themselves, and we rate ourselves pretty highly.

We beat our varsity rivals in every category – despite one being how disgusting students are.

We managed to score a 4.2 on the happy scale beating the likes of Cambridge university who only scored 3.8/5. We also rank eight places higher than Nottingham for attractiveness.

So fit

Apparently the University of Chichester have the nicest students overall scoring 4.75, with 5 being the happiest you could be. We only scored a measly 3.9 but we are still nicer people than uni of with them only reaching 3.7.

Although it seems we are very happy people, us modest Trent students don’t think we are very beautiful scoring only 2.86, still better than uni of who came very close with 2.76.

The league table for the biggest ‘party animals’ suggests only 10 per cent of us are party animals, but that compares to a pathetic five per cent of uni of.

Robert Gordon University won this league, as 100 per cent of them are party animals.

Even though we party harder, apparently it is easier for uni of to get hold of drugs (even though we’re in the same city), 48 per cent of them reckon they could get hold of drugs within one day and only 33 per cent of us can.

Uni of think they are more clever than us, but we knew that anyway, thats why we go to an ex poly. But they are only just a little bit more clever than us, scoring 3.8 with us very close behind with 3.4 out of five.