You can learn a lot about human nature being a waiter

Want to learn something about people? Then serve them food and drinks for a while. And I don’t mean as a bartender. Bartenders, for some reason I can’t quite understand, still have status in most people’s minds. There is something glamorous about them in the public perception. They get featured in the movies as these cool people you want to discuss the meaning of life with.

Waiters and waitresses, on the other hand, don’t have that. If the movies want to depict somebody as struggling and blue collar, they give them a job as a waiter. Somehow that has carried over into the public imagination.

The result? People don’t feel they need to pretend. A lot of the social niceties that people normally feel they have to obey get stripped away. They can treat you like dirt. Or they can ignore you. And though that’s not always nice, it certainly is enlightening!

Here are some of the things I learned from my time as a waiter.

Personality matters more than quality

OK, this one isn’t true if the quality of the service dips below a certain point, but as long as you’re in the ‘pretty good’ category or better, how you act and how you look make far more of a difference to how happy people are than the actual quality of your service.

I know this because I have a friend – let’s call her Sarah – and she’s not a very good waitress. She admits this to me all the time. The thing is, Sarah has a fantastically bubbly personality and is cute as a button. The result? She rakes in the tips, even while those who work harder and better than her struggle to make half of what she makes (and frequently have to clear up her mistakes).

I think in psychology this is called the Halo Effect. It’s where one characteristic affects how we see all the other ones. And niceness (as well as attractiveness) make a bigger difference to our perception of how good the quality of service is than how good the service actually is.

What this means: Don’t just worry about being good, worry about being nice. People don’t weigh out attributes independently. Instead, they weigh them up as a whole. And just like nice doctors get sued less, you can do far better in business and in life if you take an interest in other people.

People live inside their own heads

It really is quite amazing. You’ll have a full house, with ten new tables just having filled up with new customers and the person you’re serving takes that exact moment to fire a barrage of questions at you that would have cross-examining lawyers nod in respect.

And it’s not like they’re being selfish. It’s just that they‘ve got no idea that there are nine other people trying to get served. It’s not as if the rest of the world can go to hell – as far as the person you’re talking to is concerned it already has. They themselves are the only thing that matters.

And the craziest part? The person who asks these questions is often the same person who keeps waving at you in an impatient, frustrated way as you’re running around trying to keep all the other tables happy. So you’d think they would be aware of how busy you are. Apparently not.

What this means: If you don’t tell people what’s going on, they won’t notice. It’s as simple as that. It doesn’t matter how obvious it is. So if there is something affecting what’s going on, then make sure those people that need to know are told about it! Don’t whine, just explain.

People blame who they see, not who is responsible

If something goes wrong, like the food is cold when it arrives, there is a fly in the soup, or something else, then it is you who gets blamed. Even though, nine times out of ten, it wasn’t your fault to begin with.

I get it, there is no other person for them to vent at and they’ve got to vent at somebody. The thing is, just because the kitchen is lazy, should the wait staff get blamed?

You work your ass off to give great service with a smile, seeing the tip is what you live off, and then a screw up by the kitchen means that all your hard work is rendered moot. It’s frustrating (but also immensely enlightening).

What this means: If you’re interacting with people you will get unfairly blamed. Don’t take it personally. It’s just how other people are built. Can’t not take it personally? Then get out of the line of fire! Maybe a back office job is more for you?  

People follow people

This one always amazes me. Especially in small restaurants along busy roads, the crowd is like the tide. It comes in, it comes out, but it’s never just average. You probably already know that people choose their restaurants based on how full it is (and what type of people are already sitting there). Heck, it’s a good rule of thumb, so why not use it?

But that’s not the whole of it. People don’t just decide where to go based on other people, they decide when to go. One moment the restaurant would be full, the next moment one group decides to leave and then everybody is asking for the bill. It’s like when somebody decides to leave a party and suddenly everybody has to go, except that in this case nobody even knows each other and yet it still happens.

I don’t even think they’re aware that they’re doing it. They just get subconsciously influenced, like how a yawn spreads around a room.

What this means: We care about other people’s opinions and attitude far more than we’re even aware of. You can use this to your advantage by making it seem like whatever you’re doing has far wider appeal than it actually does. Maintain it long and convincingly enough and it might actually become true.

The most important moments in an interaction are the beginning and the end

Now, I don’t pretend to be a very good waiter. It’s not for me. I just can’t keep that fake smile on my face. Still, one thing that always amazed me about other waiters was how they’d give great service to a table all the night through and then drop the ball right at the end when they wanted to pay.

You see, it’s alright to let people wait a little bit at other time, as they’ve still got things to talk about and drinks to nurse. When, however, they want to pay, they have decided they want to leave. They want to go home, get ice cream or go have sex in the parking lot. What they do not want to do is spend 15 minutes waiting for you to get them the bill or the change. If you do make them wait, then you can wave goodbye to that big tip you were expecting or those good memories they were going to take with them.

What this means: Don’t let yourself falter at the end. You’re reaching the most important moment of the interaction. Instead, give yourself a little push at the end to make certain that person leaves as happy as they walked in. This will make up for a lot.

I’m not waiter material. And yet I would not take back the time I spent there. It’s highly enlightening watching people while they ignore you. It works even better if you’re taking the time to read some psychology as you can actually see the lessons in action and learn a great deal about human behavior.

No, waiting is probably not the best choice if you’re considering a long-term career, but it’s a great choice while you figure out what major to choose for your dream career, because in whatever line of work you might be considering, knowing how to deal with people is something that is always going to be useful. And I can’t imagine a better job than waiting to get the hang of that. So ignore the movies and take a few months waiting tables.

Even if it won’t make you rich in cash, it will make you wealthy in ideas.