How to survive the North: A guide for Southern transients

Like many folks from small towns, I grew up aspiring to live under the big city lights. With a little luck and lots of blessings, I was given this opportunity when I committed to going to Penn my senior year of high school. I’m from a suburban Georgia city just close enough to claim myself an “Atlantan” (or as OutKast refers to us as “ATLiens”), but far enough away that getting stuck behind a tractor during rush hour isn’t uncommon. “I’m pretty much from the city…Philadelphia will probably be the same,” I thought. Within the first few weeks of adapting to life above the Mason Dixon, I was proven otherwise.

For those of you who are considering the move, here are a few fool-proof tips for a smoother transition.

Buy an ‘iced’ tea maker. Now

If you’re like me, you could drink this God-given concoction at any hour of the day. Imagine my distress when I found out restaurants up here don’t have it readily available in a gigantic pitcher.  HOW HARD IS IT TO ADD SUGAR TO BLACK TEA? IF YOU HAVE THE OPTION TO ADD SUGAR, WHY WOULD YOU NOT?  AND NO, ADDING SUGAR PACKETS TO “ICED TEA” DOESN’T MAKE IT SWEET TEA.

I don’t care if you stop reading beyond this point, just as long as you take this advice seriously. It only took a few midnight trips to McDonald’s for their $1 “Sweet Tea” and a desperate attempt at making tea in my dorm microwave for me to realize I needed a more authentic solution. Thanks to my Iced Tea Maker, I’m able to make enough for me and my friends. It’s always a good day when I get to introduce people to this sacred syrup. “WOW, this is SO good! What’s the secret?”,  they ask.

“No secret. Just two and a half cups of sugar.”

Don’t take it personally

I’ve met many Northerners who are genuinely very nice people. However, daily interaction is significantly spare compared to back home. I can’t remember how many times I called my family sobbing, “People up here are so mean. They don’t hold doors,  wave back, or even smile at you when you pass them on the street!”

One day walking on the streets of Philadelphia with a friend, I smiled at a man walking past us and remarked, “Good morning!” I received no more than a quizzical side eye and an uneasy smile. “Do you know him?,” she asked. I didn’t, but at that time, I realized that’s just not “how they do things” up here.

Initially, I considered adapting, but I’ve decided that I can continue to be friendly to everyone, even strangers. Southern hospitality is an attitude that should be carried with you wherever you go.  I always say, “One day this city will love me back.”

“Yeah. Good luck with that,” my dad laughs.

Bundle up

Invest in a parka. If you don’t know what this is, Google it. Also, snow boots, waterproof gloves, and ski masks. And ALWAYS wear double socks.

One of my close friends and I went to a Phillies/ Braves game decked out in Braves gear. Understandably, we were the only Braves Fans there. The surrounding die-hard Phillies’ fans heckled us the whole game. Among my favorites was, “You guys can’t even handle an inch of snow without the whole city shutting down!” As much as we wanted to argue, this was a valid point. Props to y’all for getting through those winters every year. I guess I’d be grouchy too if 20 degrees was considered a “mild winter day” my whole life.

Stay true to yourself and your roots

Whether it’s your southern accent, taste in music, or style, people will notice you’re not from “around here”.

Embrace it and represent.

Don’t let the haters keep you from wearing your Chacos everyday…or wearing your boots to formal events… or promoting your favorite hometown musicians.

And last but certainly not least…

Find the nearest Chick-Fil-A

Know the operating hours. Have an Uber on standby. And if you’re real desperate, recruit other desperate southerners to walk 20 blocks in the snow with you to get your Original Chicken Sandwich fix.