The truth about sororities: Not everything is what it seems

As I went into college, fall of 2015, I eagerly awaited the stereotypical college experience I was about to endure. I expected study dates in between library bookshelves, tailgating before the most spirited football games and of course rushing a sorority to find my “home” on campus.  A whole semester went by and lucky for me, so far college has exceeded my expectations and I’ve had the freshman experience of a lifetime, but reflecting on the first half of my freshman year has taught me all that glitters is not gold— which leads me to the gilded truth of my sorority life.

I remember rush like it was yesterday, just two weeks into school at JMU, I was the bubbly blonde girl that wanted to make friends with everyone she met. Every day at college was wonderful, my professors were engaging, and it felt as if my newly made gal pals were going to be in my wedding! I was fulfilled and content and the only thing left on my agenda was 2015 fall sorority recruitment.  With newly made BFFs to rush with, hot topics to advertise myself with and outfits planned out months in advance, I was ready to mingle and take on the 12 houses as a PNM.

Recruitment came and days flew by, some exciting but also stressful.  I was trying to convince myself I was in my element and attempted to find my place.  Although chatting with new girls for hours was fun, small talk got repetitive.  I could clearly see the values and great philanthropy aspects of these organizations, I wanted these girls to like me.

Unfortunately this attitude did not fuel me to thrive in recruitment and some nights I found myself crying because “how could I possibly get dropped by that sorority?” Instead of feeling confident I’d find my home, insecurities began to haunt me. It was obvious these girls had good morals and they really loved each other, but still I could not get past feeling objectified.

I was losing sight of the giddy individual that wanted to show herself to the world and was becoming a girl who felt she needed to put herself on display in order to seek out approval. However, I decided to brush this feeling of apprehensiveness aside, and to “trust the system,” as many girls say, “it all works out in the end,” and continued to go through with sorority recruitment.

At the end of the week, after blood, sweat and tears, bid cel came and I was welcomed into one of my top picked sororities. I was excited to meet the new girls and couldn’t wait to make friends.  My “bid day buddy,” a member I was paired up with, took me under her wing and welcomed me “home” with a sign! That night my sorority bonded over pizza and small talk with the other 80 new girls as we giggled and took photos to show off our new letters.

I was excited, but still adjusting.   This was everything thing I thought I wanted and I finally achieved it. I’m supposed to love this, right?

Maybe not.

Now, I’m not here to bash my sorority and am currently still giving it a fair chance. But the truth about greek life is that it’s not everything and it doesn’t have to be your everything.  Some are thrilled when they join it right away and that’s just wonderful,  but my experience suggests that while there is a high expectation, it’s okay not to love this.

What I’ve learned the most throughout this process, and the advice I’d give to anyone, is to not to dream up this perfect experience for yourself in advance and to let what makes you happiest in college shape who you become.  It’s easy to let preconceived notions dictate who you think you are, but who you should be is someone that makes you 100% happy.

College is filled with clubs, intramural sports and a plethora of organizations to be a part of.  Explore, try new things, and before you know it you’ll find your niche.  Personally, I have no regrets with joining a sorority, but am in this stage of figuring out whether or not it’s for me and I’m trusting where my “gut feeling” takes me.

Currently, I’m in the process of opening my heart to my sorority, and in the meantime try to love it, but if that doesn’t happen soon enough, and if you’re in my shoes, it’s okay to say “I gave it my all and it simply wasn’t for me.”

So the biggest truth, I currently hold, is that it’s okay to love something you thought you would hate, and it’s okay to hate something you thought you’d love. When I can finally take my own advice, maybe I’ll leave greek life in the dust, or maybe just maybe, I’ll find this sorority to be my “home.”