How to sneak some tasty treats out of North and South Dining Halls

Whether your campus location is near or far, high and low, North and South Dining Halls are always there when you need a bite to eat.

Many who have calculated say that dining hall food pans (no pun intended) out to be about $15 a meal, something that is difficult to consume all at once, twice a day, especially if you do not have the largest of appetites.

But, fear not, my fellow Irish, I have discovered a whole new way to get your $15 worth from both North and South Dining Halls: taking things (i.e. food items) out with you when you leave!

Is this stealing you ask? Absolutely not! In fact, displayed all over North and South are these handy-dandy signs that allow you to take what you want with you from the dining hall, as long as you bring your own container.

Now, while this is allowed, it can always seem a bit suspicious taking out copious amounts of food from the dining halls, especially with the staff (more like guards) standing in front of each exit. Several of my suggestions to evade the staff and get you and your grub out unscathed:

Bring a backpack. This is not the airport, they cannot search your bag, nor does it go through an x-ray scanner to look for food or liquid items. So, go ahead and put your items in your backpack and leave inconspicuously.  

Leave with confidence. When you are taking the food you want to leave with, do so with confidence! You are NOT doing anything wrong. After all, the food is there for you to eat and your room and board is more than paying for it. Chances are the staff won’t stop you from taking the extra food, so have at it. 

BYOB — Bring your own BAG! Ziplock bags are your best friend, not only do they keep the food you take fresh and protected, they aren’t bulky like a container, so they won’t take up much space. Carry them with you to the dining hall and put in whatever you want: carrots, celery, South’s pre-cut apples, cookies for later, cereal… 

“Borrowing.” If you forget to BYOB, you can borrow some of the dining hall’s equipment on what I like to call the “honors system.” Borrow a cup, bowl, or whatever device you fashion to transport your food to your belly or your dorm for later.

But the honors system requires one thing…that you actually return the transportation item. Just bring it back as soon as it is not needed and place it on your tray when you return it on the conveyor belt. And bomb! You have utilized the honors system. (My half smile suggests nothing less than a later return…).

Besides, even if you forget week after week to return your transportation device, there is a lovely day called redemption day. And, no, this day is not just the day that you will be redeemed of all of your wrong-doings, it is the day when you can actually admit you broke the “honors system” and return, that’s right, return your cups, plates, bowls, and silverware — GUILT FREE!

Utilize your clothing. Pockets, tucking the items inside of your coat, and sticking the items inconspicuously under your shirt are all techniques that are proven to work. I know from experience. 

Plan your treat-taking. When the dining hall is crowded the dining hall guards are much less likely to see you if you walk out in a group of people so take advantage of the lunch and dinner rush (for once).

Fancy dinners. The best treats and things to take are during candlelight and holiday dinners. We know that the dining halls try to impress all of the alumni and football fans during candlelight dinners, so there are copious amounts of desserts to choose from.

Holiday dinners, too, always seem to have the cream of the crop (literally). If you plan what you want and your strategies ahead of time, you can even steal some big ticket items. Here are some of the items that people have taken from these glorious food days:

“An entire apple pie” – Pdub

“A gingerbread house from North” – Zahm

“A large decorated cake” – Farley

“A cake decorated and shaped like a lamb during easter” – Cavanaugh

Here are some other highly recommend techniques (though can neither confirm nor deny my practice of them): hiding food under large coat (holding the item under a bundled coat to disguise it is a sure-fire way for efficient removal), running out of the dining hall holding the food so no one sees your face and no one can chase after you, or going out penguin-pack style, shoulder to shoulder forming a protective barrier around the person holding the treat.

In addition to the happy holidays and famous football candle light dinners, here are some unauthorized items that have been taken from the dining halls:

“An entire dining set.” – McGlinn Hall

“Three tables.” – Keough Hall

“An entire tub of ice cream.” – Dillion

“Chairs. Just chairs.” – Steds

“A Christmas Tree” – Stanford

Whether or not you’ve taken from the dining hall before, it is never too late to take advantage of some of the tips and start getting the most for your $15 per meal.