What it’s like to be gluten free at Notre Dame

I remember it like it was yesterday: the room was white, smelled a little bit like sadness and antiseptic, and was undecorated except for an unsettling motivational poster of a cat hanging a tree telling me to “hang in there.”

Then the doctor walked into the room, slowly shut the door, and opened his mouth to speak the words that would change my life forever: “You can’t eat gluten anymore.”

The room started spinning. I was in shock. Did he realize he was saying that to someone who ate pasta and bread religiously? As a devout Italian, there is a strong possibility that a large portion of my bloodstream is actually made of marinara sauce.

As my ominous diagnosis settled in I thought my life was going to fall apart, in the same way that gluten free bread does when you try to make a sandwich. Those two little letters, ‘g’ and ‘f’ – which when put together greatly decrease the texture and general over all quality of any product – were in my life to stay.

Four years later, I feel  I have the authority to tell you a little about being gluten free especially at Notre Dame.

As the renowned American poet Tupac probably said, “I didn’t choose the gluten free life, the gluten free life chose me.” First things first: don’t listen to the haters. T

he gluten free way of life, which has become a sort of fad diet, has been the butt of many corny (haha, get it?) jokes. They don’t want you to be gluten free. The key to success is standing strong in what you believe in, and eating your rice cakes with pride!

Be the gluten free cupcake you wish to see in this world of wheat-filled muffins.

Sadness, in the form of gluten free bread

I know it may be tempting to tell everyone about your new diet 476 times and go into detail about everything you have eaten for the past few days, but shockingly, not many people appreciate it and share your love for quinoa.

In fact a study found that following ‘people bragging about their perfect children’ and ‘explaining hip slang to anyone over 40’, your new gluten free diet is actually the third most hated conversation topic. Ever. This same study also found that 8 out of every 9 studies are made up. This is very important to remember if you want to have any sort of friends in the future.

Much like the athlete’s room in North Dining Hall, on the other darker, scarier end, there is the Celiac safe haven-the Gluten Free Room. Like the athlete section, maximum security is employed to keep out any trouble.

I’ve met quite a few interesting people in there while microwaving a gluten free tortilla. We all share a genuine appreciation for oat and rice flour that, much like gluten does for baked goods, holds us together.

I assume this is the same way the athletes feel in the “Training Tables” room. When they see their teammates come into the room a head nod is probably exchanged and no words are needed. Or at least that’s how it works in the gluten free room. It wouldn’t even be that far of a stretch to say that the gluten free kids of Notre Dame are essentially the JV athletes.

I would say the only difference between them and us is the fact that from what I can tell their diets consist of strictly steak and berries. Nothing else. But we’re all basically the same right?

Contrary to popular belief, this is gluten free pasta, not rubber

Obviously the main drawback of being part of the gluten free cult is tailgating season. It might be a little tempting due to the foods and drinks normally served (obviously I’m only referring to hot dog buns…), but if you get past those Saturdays it’s mostly smooth sailing from there. It is a little difficult but totally possible to keep it up in college, especially at Notre Dame.

Be, as Tupac was, “the rebel going against the grain,” and have the courage to go gluten free.