Students protest introduction of new colors into wardrobes
Do Bean Boots come in other colors?
Riots erupted across Notre Dame’s campus this week in response to an official University statement announcing that students must introduce new colors and brands into their outfits, starting with spring semester 2016.
The edict came directly from Fr. Jenkins’ administration, according to recent sources.
“We really didn’t expect this type of response,” explained a shellshocked administrator, who asked to remain anonymous. “Who knew Notre Dame students were so committed to their [lack of] sartorial inspirations?”
“I mean, what am I supposed to do now?” asked freshman Selena Torres frantically. “Am I supposed to get Bean boots in different colors now? Do they even come in other colors?”
Many students expressed similar discomfort with the idea of ditching their daily ensembles. “Before it was so easy,” grumbled freshman Molly Smith in an interview at Club Hes. “I mean, there was leggings and Vineyard Vines, or jeans and Vineyard Vines. Or, if you wanted to get really crazy, I guess you could wear a Patagonia sweater or something. But then today, I saw someone wearing a hoodie that didn’t even say Notre Dame on it! What’s next—patterns?”
Some found solace in the fact that the South Bend winter still mandates a degree of conformity in fashion. “I feel a lot more comfortable outside, where everyone is wearing their Canada Goose parkas and Sorel boots,” confessed sophomore Isa Fontana. “It’s like, somewhere under the layers, someone could be expressing their individuality—but at least I don’t have to deal with it, you know?”
“At least I can still wear my button-down, khakis and tan Sperrys to Feve,” sighed a junior guy with relief. “That is still the Feve uniform…right?”
At the time of this writing, a coalition of students were rushing the steps of Main Building, furiously picketing the ban on leprechaun-festooned socks.