Why it’s OK if the people you meet in college won’t be your lifelong best friends

“I’ve learned that your college friends become kind of family, you eat together, you take naps together, fight, laugh, cry, and do absolutely nothing together until you can’t remember how you ever lived your life without them in the first place.” -Unknown

Before starting college, it seems like practically everyone you talk to is saying that the people you meet in college will become your new family – your new support system, the people you eat pizza with at 3am after finally finishing mountains of homework, your very best friends for the rest of your life. But I’m not sure this is absolutely true.

Now granted, some people probably do meet their very best friends in college, and that’s a beautiful thing. I just don’t know if holds true for everyone.

I’ve always had problems making friends. I do have friends, but I’m just not friends with a lot of people. I’ve always been more comfortable with a smaller, closer-knit group of people than larger groups. It’s not that I don’t want to have a lot of friends – it’s that I don’t know how.

I thought college would be a new start for me, and in a lot of ways, it was. No one knew me from those dreadful middle school years, or from when I wore so much black and so much mascara that my eyelashes could cut diamonds. Everything about me could be new. I went from having one or two friends throughout high school, to having more and more friends every day in college.

It was so much fun meeting new people and learning their stories, but this didn’t last very long for me. I envy the people that live their entire lives like this, but honestly, it’s exhausting. Eventually, all of the new people I was meeting in O-week slowly weaned away until I was left with a seemingly solid group of six or so. This lasted for the rest of the first semester, and it was great. I lived my entire life with these people, and I loved it.

But then winter break came. I don’t know if it was from having several weeks apart or what, but things felt different when school started up again. My friends were forming new friendships, and leaving me behind.

It was really hard watching the people that I had come to think of as my family just leave me in the dust. I stressed for weeks – constantly wondering what I had done wrong, or if I had said something I shouldn’t have. It was reaching the point of interfering with my schoolwork. I was too distracted to study. I blamed myself when I should have just allowed myself to move on.

Eventually, I was able to accept the situation and grow from it. After double-guessing myself with every move that I made, I decided enough was enough. I couldn’t stress over this anymore. I had to come to terms with it, and I did. I focused on bettering myself in any way I could, and used my newly found free time to throw myself into my education. It was lonely, but loneliness was better than constantly analyzing every little detail, trying to piece together what was wrong with me.

Friends will always come and go in your life. As cliche as it is, it’s so true. I knew it in high school, but college only reinforced it for me. People will come into your life, and as soon as their purpose for being in your life has been fulfilled, they will drift out. It’s okay. It’s natural.

I don’t think that just because you’re in college you’ll become best friends with the people you’re around for the rest of your life. What makes a long-lasting friendship is truly enjoying each other’s company, no matter the rest of the people drifting in and out of your life.