Why you shouldn’t give a damn

There are multiple things we’re taught as young girls about making sure that we can attract a male to mate with. We learn(ed) quickly that we were meant to wear pink clothes and hair bows to distinguish ourselves as female, and by some ridiculous default, seeking a male.

Then we landed in middle school where jeans, Abercrombie V-necks and UGGs were the norm. Then in high school we were told that we should perfect our booties and wear leggings, which ended in a workout attire rage in college. All the while, we’re supposed to cake on more and more makeup as we have enough cleavage showing to attract male eyes to our “hearts.”

OK, so these things may be kind of fun and I am also guilty of occasionally partaking in some of them, but are they worth it? And more importantly, do they really optimize our possibilities of attracting a muscular life partner? I don’t think so.

In middle school and in to high school, my damn-giving abilities consistently depleted. In middle school I wore sweatpants, UGGs, a tank top with no bra (I hate those) and a sweat jacket to school. No makeup, hair in a bun or down in some sad arrangement, draping off of my head. That was the extent of my abilities. I just did not care and wanted to be comfortable.

This could be tied to the fact that my mom passed away in fifth grade and my dad and I were left to fend for ourselves, making my appearance just about the least of my problems, but I did not give a damn. And that worked for me.

Me on the left

I had lots of guy friends in addition to sort of dressing like one, and at some point during middle/high school each had a crush on me. When they would let me in on that little detail is a whole other story, but they all did. And why? Some said it was because my “boobs popped out” during that time. OK, cool, whatever.

Others said that they liked how I didn’t try to impress them. They liked how I was able to just be myself and not overuse cosmetics or show off too much of my skin. That was what made me feel like I was genuinely liked.

Me in the middle.

In addition, since it was just me and my dad and my brother who was at college, I was generally one of the guys. I was used to watching football on Sunday with my boys and eating dinner with the TV on and burping indiscriminately. That made me more attractive as well. Guys like to be around people they get along with and have common interests with.

I found that when I was better than half the guys on the playground at knockout, they actually found me more attractive. Same goes for the fact that I (still to this day) burp and don’t feel sorry or know how to play Super Smash Bros and can talk sports. They don’t just want a pretty girl to sleep with and shower with love. They want a friend that they can chill with and relate to.

To this day, I’m not huge into makeup. I’ll put on some mascara usually – just because my eyelashes are light. It’s a good day if I have eyeliner on. And it’s a lot easier to get up in the morning and go about my day if I don’t feel like I need to apply a mask every morning. Not to say makeup isn’t beautiful and occasionally necessary, I just choose not to use it every day. That also has to do with the vicious cycle of makeup: you use it to cover your blemishes but they cause more blemishes. My skin is pretty clear, and that’s because I get regular facials, use face wash, and don’t apply loads of chemicals to my skin each morning. #Sorrynotsorry #itstrue

Moral of the story is that you don’t have to be a super girly girl to find a male mate, though a pretty girl with makeup on and a formally feminine attitude (unlike mine) who can also engage in the above mentioned male activities is also very attractive. Since coming to college, I’ve gotten a lot more into fashion and find it enticing to watch trends and spend all my money online shopping. I want every girl out there to know that if they’re not into beauty and fashion, that doesn’t mean all hope is lost.

Ultimately, you may have better luck just being your absolutely disgusting self rather than spending wasted time trying to impress someone only for them to eventually and inevitably meet the real you. Being straight forward has certainly worked out for me!