I have chronic acne but I won’t let it run my life

My skin sucks. I say that not in a self-deprecating or fishing for compliments way, but as a fact. My skin is uneven, stressed out, broken out, and constantly unhappy with me.

It’s been this way as long as I can remember, and I’m finally ready to talk about it in a way that’s completely honest.

No filter, no makeup, no flattering lighting

I can first remember getting pimples when I was in fifth grade. I woke up one morning and it felt like my face was covered in them. Since then, I think I’ve tried just about everything. Over the counter medications, prescriptions pills, harsh creams, supplements, washes, doing nothing at all, oils, and at one very low point even Accutane.

At some points, I’ve been so upset about the state of my skin that I’ve refused to leave the house without a full face of makeup, and wouldn’t dream of posting an unedited photo.

Filters are life

My skin has stressed me out to the point of crying. It’s difficult to feel like people can see past my acne or not judge me for it. Even during periods when my face is relatively clear, I’m constantly worried about the next bad breakout.

I’m also a chronic picker – I can’t keep my hands off my face no matter how hard I try, which means I’ve also got loads of fun scarring to deal with.

One of my favorite ways to hide a pimple: the text bar on Snapchat.

I worry that people see the fact that I have acne as a sign that I’m an unclean or dirty person. I worry that people won’t want to be my friend or get to know me because I feel that having acne makes me inferior and less attractive. There’s nothing I envy more than when I see another girl with a flawless complexion, and I’m constantly asking people what their “secret” is.

Over the past year, I’ve been working really hard to get to a place where I am comfortable going out without any makeup to cover up my acne. I’ve been challenging my negative thoughts and actions surrounding my face, including surrendering some instruments of pore torture to a friend (thanks Lily!). It’s a slow and painful process, but 9 out of 10 days I’m able to leave the house without anything but sunscreen, and that’s a huge step.

I wish I lived in an age where it wasn’t so easy to constantly be reminded of what I look like – between Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, and the never-ending photos other people take, there’s no escaping it. So instead, I challenge everyone to go a day without judging yourself for how you look. Try to wake up, look in the mirror, and instead of immediately picking out what’s wrong, try and see what’s right.

I think you’ll thank me.