Dear High Schoolers, don’t go to UC Davis

UC Davis is a great school….for a certain kind of people. It’s not a one size fits all though.

Yes you have what it takes to survive academically as your acceptance letter shows. But there’s a lot more to this college thing than going to class and passing tests. You’re entering a whole new world, but the one in Davis isn’t exactly shining, shimmering, or splendid. It’s no ordinary college experience.

So you have been warned, but if you still don’t believe me, here are some reasons why you may not want to go to school in Bikeville, USA.

If you’re not a sportsperson 

When you go to college in a small town, the first question that comes to mind is “What is there to do?” The most common response will be some kind of sports event. Basketball, football, baseball, softball, quidditch, swimming, dodgeball, e-sports, biking, more biking, and last but not least even more biking, to name a few.

Most people you will meet will have an opinion on the major sports teams and events, with the colors of many local and nearby sports teams like Sacramento Kings Purple and Golden State Warriors Blue and Yellow being a common sight. But what if Michael Jordan, Lebron James, and Steph Curry are the only basketball players you know?

A lot of these conversations will be lost in translation. And good luck trying to change those channels, except when speaking with those of a specific major like animal science. Which reminds me.

Not into animals

Even if you’re not an animal science major, animals will be a part of your UC Davis experience whether you like it or not. So throughout your day you will be exposed to cow odors, bird droppings, daredevil scavenger squirrels, and stray black cats (some are even found near ladders and broken mirrors).

Good luck passing your exams after passing them by. Not even the magical egg heads of Shields Library can repair that hex. And at night, prepare to be ambushed by swarms of bats especially if you’re near the park in North Davis.

Unlike in Pokemon, no amount of Max Repel will keep them away.

City people beware

Davis is only a half hour away from Sacramento and 1-2 hours away from the Bay Area, but those distances will seem much further away once you get into the routine here at UC Davis. Unlike the more populated metropolitan areas in California where cities tend to be surrounded by other cities, Davis is in its own little landlocked island (minus the water, which I will expand on in just a moment).

Not to mention your freshman year you’ll be without a car so you’ll rely on public transportation or the good graces of your upperclassmen friends to fulfill your travel desires.

There is plenty of activities here in Davis, but you’re sure to get bored if you’re an SF or LA native.

This type of terrain is not for everyone. Pedestrians beware of bikes

Beach blanket banished

Davis is in the heart of Northern California, meaning no oceans or beaches near by. Even Lake Tahoe is a few hours away, so prepare to be disappointed and landlocked upon arrival to this college. There won’t be much beach volleyball, sailing, scuba diving, swimming with sharks, or being pulled in by strong waves near here.

Without all these staples of spring and summertime fun, it will definitely test your patience if that is the life you’ve known for so long.

Flower allergy factory

One of the most famous landmarks on UC Davis campus is the Arboretum. It’s a long stretch of land split into two pathways by a creek, with a wide variety of flowers, plants, trees, and other grassy substances parasitically encroaching in this non native region. You won’t have to travel the world, you’ll get to experience the verdant nature from every continent without all the fun of those continents.

If you are allergic to any sort of flower, chances are UC Davis botanists have found that flower. And chances are even more likely that the girl or guy you take out on a date will ask for a romantic stroll in the arboretum for Valentine’s Day. Talk about tough love.

It’s all about the money

If you want to enjoy everything UC Davis has to offer and more, you will have to pay a significantly large sum of money just for tuition. That of course does not include living space, transportation, textbooks (the most infamous of the overpriced school materials; they’ll be marked as required only for you to find out 10 weeks later it was possible for you to succeed in that class without it or at least with a cheaper online alternative resource), and study abroad.

Yeah if you finally had enough of this rural town and you manage to find yourself on a Study Abroad trip to Paradise Peru or Chocolate Coated Belgium, you won’t make it to the airport without another thousands of dollars sucked away from the money drain. A minimal amount of scholarships is made available to students, so be sure to fill out that FASFA and stay on top of your financial information to qualify for loans. Once you get those loans, enjoy paying them off slowly but surely for the next 15-20 years (if you’re lucky). Gotta love college, especially if you choose this one.

Beware of the squirrels

Remember what happened to Veruca Salt in the more recent Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

If any of the above applies to you, you are going to have a bad time. You’re better off looking elsewhere like Sacramento State University or San Jose State University. Because believe it or not, several of the points made exclusively apply to UC Davis and not any other public university in the state. Not a single one. It’s funny how things happen like that.

Don’t believe me? Why not? Remember, everything online is true and serious in nature. I strongly encourage you take this to heart when deciding what college you are going to this fall, because this is a much more important decision than a career or marriage. Thanks for reading.