Generic Halloween costumes and how to fix them
I understand the temptation
It’s Halloween night and you haven’t thought of a costume. With twenty minutes to go until the party you reach into your closet and pull out a sports jersey or pair of animal ears and decide that’s good enough. You go to the party, have a good time and go home. And that’s fine.
But think of how much better that night could have been. Think about all the strangers that could have come up to you and said “No way?! You’re *insert costume here*?! That’s awesome!”
At any college campus one will find a fairly typical pattern of costumes, and in an effort to bring about some Halloween cheer (Christmas shouldn’t be the only one with cheer!) I’ve decided to list some of these costumes and my ideas to improve upon them.
Sexy animal
his is perhaps the first costume that comes to mind when you think of generic Halloween costume, due in part to the famous Mean Girls scene, and also in part to the startling amount of people who think this is a good costume. Although it may be sexy, there are probably at least 10 other people at your party dressed as a sexy animal, possibly the same sexy animal.
How to fix it
I think that the most fun way to improve upon the sexy animal costume is to behave like the sexy animal that you are portraying. If you are a sexy cat, ignore everyone and lick yourself in the corner. If you are a sexy dog, sniff the butt of the person you are trying to attract. And as with every typically female costume on this list, I would like to see more men be this costume.
A sports player
This costume is a great way to let people know that you have no creative impulses in any part of your body and that you own a sports jersey. Of all the generic costumes this is perhaps the worst, as sexy animals at least require the effort of buying animal ears.
How to fix it
My biggest problem with this costume is that it’s usually just a sports jersey with regular pants. If you’re gonna be a sports player I think you should go 100%. Have an Aaron Rodgers jersey? That’s a great costume, so long as you have the tight pants, cleats, pads and regulation helmet to match. You might knock over a lot of peoples’ drinks, but man will you be thorough. Another way to improve upon this costume is to dress as the 1920’s version of whatever sport you’re being. I’m talking cotton pants and leather helmets baby.
An improved (albeit bloodier) version of a football player
Risky Business
Another popular costume, deriving from the popular 1983 film Risky Business, although 80% of the people who wear this costume have never seen the movie. If you choose to be this costume here are the following things you will need: A shirt. End of list.
How to fix it
I think that everyone who dresses as this costume should have to dress and act like Tom Cruise. I realize that this would involve a lot of women cutting their hair to a very short length, and I’m fine with that. Because seriously what would be more fun than a party full of people jumping up and down on couches yelling about how much they love Katie Holmes? Not much. And again, more men should be this costume, despite all of the pale man thigh it would bring.
Nerd
This costume can go either way as far as effort goes. I’ve seen good nerd costumes and I’ve seen bad nerd costumes. Whether good or bad, however, most nerd costumes portray the same type of nerd. The costume involves glasses, high pants and suspenders, a style that not even nerds have worn since 1987.
How to fix it
This costume needs to update its take on what it means to be a nerd. Being a nerd today is very different than what it was years ago. Super hero movies and fantasy shows have become the mainstream. However, one thing about nerds remains true to this day: nerds read the books first. If you want a good nerd costume you should go as me explaining to my friends why the Game Of Thrones books are better than the TV show, citing specific passages.
There are obviously many more generic costumes that will plague our campus this weekend, but I think that these are the main offenders. To sum up my arguments, you should have fun, be creative, and encourage men to dress as sexy cats, because that’ll just be fun for all of us.