The holiday gift guide for your undefined hookup

With the end of the semester and holidays approaching you might be wondering to yourself what you should get that special someone you’ve been seeing a lot of lately – but aren’t quite Facebook official yet.

We came up with a list of gift ideas to make your holiday shopping easier for the person you’re sleeping with but not dating.

Headphones

Headphones are always a great gift for someone you’re hooking up with because when you do try to have “the talk” with them they can conveniently pretend not to hear you while listening to the new Adele album.

Winter headwear

With the dreaded UConn winter quickly approaching, a nice hat or scarf from the Co-Op will help them not only show their school spirit but also stay toasty warm on the long trek from their dorm to yours.

Dunkin’ gift card

A way to trap your boinking partner into talking about where they see the relationship is going is by getting them a Dunkin’ gift card for the holidays. It gives you about a half hour to talk about your feelings before they get to the front of the line. The odds they get out of line and miss out on coffee even with you talking about commitment to them are very slim.

Sleeping bag

If you find yourself fighting for the pillow at night or being woken up every time they move because you’re in a tiny bed, we recommend either a sleeping bag or a futon so not only do you get the bed to yourself but you also don’t have to deal with that cuddling nonsense.

Food

They say food is the way to a man’s heart. If you’re pretty decent in the kitchen you can always make them some bacon jalapeño mac ‘n’ cheese. This will also help to prevent any mac ‘n’ cheese related arrests which might occur.

Socks

Socks are the perfect gift for someone who tends to have cold feet. No one wants to be distracted by that during sex.

You

Make yourself the gift. Obviously.

Sex literature

If your undefined hookup just has no idea what to do in bed,and you actually kind of like them so you don’t want to just get rid of them, we recommend getting a book which tells them exactly what they need to do. You can subtly hint that it can be an experiment for both of you to avoid the awkward conversation of whether they’re doing a good job.

Protection

Condoms are an essential item any time you play hide the salami with an undefined hookup. If you’re not committed enough to be in a relationship then you’re definitely not going to want to have a child with this person. You don’t even have to pay for this gift! Just give them a pack from Student Health Services and you two are good to go.

Sports tickets

Two basketball tickets for the game against OSU is the perfect way to gauge your hookup’s feelings for you. If they ask you to go with them, then you know things are heading in the right direction. If they invite someone else then clearly this relationship is all about the hanky panky and you don’t have to worry about feelings and all that other nonsense that comes with a relationship.

A scandalous snap

If you’re worried your hookup might have a wandering eye over break, send them a pic to remind them of what they’re missing. But keep in mind: unsolicited nudes are not OK.

Sex toy

And finally, if you think your hookup partner needs to try a little harder in the bedroom or you just want to make a statement, just get yourself a sex toy for the holidays to show them just how replaceable they really are.