What you missed while you were crying and cursing your profs this week

If only UMass had a replay button…oh wait

We get it! You’re busy! School sucks, and this week has sucked extra hard, but as you sat regretting your human form, while crying over a watery container of Easy Mac and that Art History midterm you swore was in December, you missed out on a lot. Here’s what happened.

A freshman living in Southwest got seriously wasted

I know, I know. First thing you’re wondering is, “how have the Zoo animals gone on in my absence?”. Calm down Elle Woods, the “drunkest kid ever” has had it more than under control. And he’s all ours.

 

Confused? Never fear. The Tab has got your back. One of our reporters got an exclusive interview with “the drunkest kid ever” himself! Brave, brave girl.

We ate lobster without Bill Cosby paying for it

Okay. On to the real happenings on campus. I trust that Mac is great and all, but for Christ’s sake, please don’t let me find out you opted for that in place of the dinner of a lifetime.

And I thought Berk had peaked.

It was Halloween

Speaking of UMass dining . . . apparently they have Halloween costume contests now?!

Way to go Captain America! Remember to save that shield for when it inevitably snows, and the only way to access any dining common is by sled. Interested in some other favorites? Yes. Cat made the list. Twice.

Petition to extend Halloweekend anyone? Maybe not. But since I know we’re all still riding that post-halloween come-down train, why not relive Rae Sremmurd’s Halloween concert one last time.

Okay. I know. Now I’m just rubbing it in. Shouldn’t you be studying?
*NAH*. Why study when you can go back to bed? Get a head start on drinking? Daydream about marrying the entire boy’s soccer team?
Oops. Did someone say that out loud again?

We’re picking up the check for a huge hole in the budget

Alright, alright. Jokes over for real this time. But actually. Looks like UMass needs an extra $10.9 million to fill a budget deficit as a result of some raises. Petty cash. Wonder where that’s going to come from. I’m joking. Us. The answer is us. And just incase you still have a smile on that carefree little face of yours:
You’re welcome.

We lost the football

Awe, you know we wouldn’t leave you hanging like that. Football anyone!?
. . . Wait. Nevermind. We lost. Again. At least Coach Whipple probably isn’t too upset! Sorry. Too soon?
And last, but certainly not least, incase you missed our #1 story in November so far, fear not! You’ve still got some time before elections anyway. However, the real question isn’t who you’re voting for. It’s who you might as well be voting for.
That’s right. I’ve got my eye on you Swest.
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