I wear all black all the time and I’ll stop when I’m dead

In middle school, I admittedly wore all black when I was in a bad mood and wanted to be dramatic, but now I wear it for a multitude of reasons.

I wear all black because I like looking like I should’ve been casted in American Horror Story: Coven.

Photoshop me in next to Jessica Lange, please

I wear all black because I never have to worry about matching.

I wear all black because it complements my resting bitch face perfectly.

I wear all black because it has the biggest variety of shades.

I wear all black because I heard it’s slimming

Seriously, I look exactly 4.3 pounds lighter every time.

I wear all black because anything brighter hurts my eyes.

I wear all black because I seriously cannot stand looking happy.

I wear all black because it makes people not want to talk to me.

But really, don’t talk to me

I wear all black because I like looking like I’m going to a funeral.

I wear all black because I immediately look 10 times fiercer.

I wear all black because I’ve worn this sweater 4 times this month and no one has noticed.

I wear all black because it will literally never ever go out of style.

I wear all black because orange isn’t the new black.

Black is the new black.