The truth about your Durfee’s purchase

The insufferably long line. The sweet blended scent of sweat and overcooked hotdogs which is undoubtedly the shop’s signature fragrance– one so “tangy” we all know if it was bottled it would give Chanel No. 5 a run for its money.

The moment of panic when you realize you have somehow exceeded the $8 meal-swipe budget by simply buying two bottles of water. Welcome to the magical world of Durfee’s Convenience Store.

We have all been there, we all experience this love-hate relationship, but we all buy different things and what you purchase says more about you than you think.

The Academic Turbo

“I would never have been able to triple major without my rolly backpack!”

A Durfee’s Classic and prized academic weapon in Yale’s arsenal. It is not uncommon to catch this hardo stopping to grab a to-go meal after their 5th class of the day.

Their enormous twenty-pound backpack (rolling or otherwise) hits every other person in the store, but they are far too distracted by the heated debate in their ClassesV2 forum to notice. If calculator watches were still around this person would surely have one, practical and stylish? Is there a better combination?

The Skinny Bitch

“I burn cals just wearing these Lulu’s.”

Now that they carry Quest bars, a new breed of customer has stormed Durfee’s–meet the Skinny Bitch.

This is a girl that knows it can be hard to eat a healthy meal in the dining hall and on the off chance their is cookie dough ice-cream, forget it. This is where the high-protein, low-carb, low-sugar, potentially cardboard Quest bar comes in.

CONSPIRACY: They were already out of Quests today!!! Those skinny bitches…

To every Soul Cycling girl on campus, she knows that these super filling bars perfectly accessorize any of her abundant Lululemon ensembles, even if Durfee’s doesn’t have the limited edition Pumpkin Spice flavor in yet. UGH.

P.S. As a heads up to this group of ladies, they do not take American Express at Durfee’s.

The Chef

“Have you seen Tasty’s video on how to make monkey bread?”

For some crafty Yalies, Durfee’s can be the means to make their Martha Stewart dreams come true. Although this concept is revolutionary in our dining-hall world, Durfee’s gives students the opportunity to make fresh food.

Dare I spot some greens?

For our Michelin Star worthy students the fruit and vegetable collection at Durfee’s can be used to make anything from apple sauce to guacamole while others stick to the ease of slice and bake cookies. Whatever this domestic shopper buys, food that was once not a powder or in a can is a refreshing change of pace.

The ‘Woadser’

“I thought it was normal to small like tequila in section Thursday morning”

Wednesday between the hours 4 and 5, Durfee’s is graced with the presence of a specialty clientele– the “Woadser.”

This person will use their swipe solely on chasers, Gatorade and Orange Juice being the most popular selections. Occasionally this customer may branch away from the mixers and add a pack of gum to their purchase in hopes of a drunken DFMO.

Always got to get in those extra electrolytes

Whether it is supplemental drinks to coax down the burn of Dubra or minty chews to get your tongue-wrestling on, this person understands that paying for your own party supplies is a waste of money. If you want have drunken adventures in the middle of the week, the only way to due it is for your tuition to fund your drinking problem.

The Hoarder

“Thank God they restocked the Pizza Rolls!”

No we are not on the verge of a nuclear holocaust, but from this customers purchase it can be hard to tell.

Mmmmm mmmm mmmm located conveniently next to the bleach….

Meet the Hoarder, a local phenomenon whose personal stockpile of Cup of Noodles and Easy Mac outdo Durfee’s own collection. Although this student appears to be storing this food for their winter hibernation, they keep forfeiting their lunch swipe and returning to Durfee’s for the processed beef flavored Ramen.

The Ambitious Freshman

“College is just like National Lampoon, right?”

Did you know Durfee’s sold condoms? I didn’t either, but I am sure they must be of the best quality… Anyways, a slew of freshman boys stumble into Durfee’s in the first few weeks of their college years and consistently purchase their first condom.

What a selection, if only they had a flavored option!

Whether this contraceptive will ever be opened or it is doomed to a lifetime in a bedside drawer is unknown, but you can’t knock the go-getter attitude. No glove, no love folks!

The Absolute Maniac

“Watch the newest Law and Order: SVU– I am their inspiration.”

Avoid all eye-contact with this board, it is rumored to steal your soul

If you see anyone order any of the hot dishes at Durfee’s, call the New Haven Police. You have just found the psychopath behind the unsolved “missing limb” mystery. Next question.