Getting to know your future president: Carter Helschien

I’ll just say what everyone else is thinking: no one really cares about the YCC candidates’ campaigns. Sure, those empty promises might convince a handful of voters, but the rest of us choose our president based off of them as actual people, not as PC robots.

If you’ve seen his campaign slogan and thought it was a joke, you’re not alone. Because The Tab is an objective publication, we were obligated to get to the bottom of it. This is The Tab Talk with Carter Helschein.

What’s your ideal night out?

My ideal night out would be to go to Toad’s and have an amazing time there, but the issue is that Toad’s is a little small right now. So for my IDEAL night out, I would probably go to the space between Beinecke and Commons with a Toad’s platform being set up there. I would love to be at the forefront of having that platform be built there. And I am a fantastic dancer, says very few people. But I firmly believe it is only a matter of time before people figure out I’m a good dancer. I’d like to think I’m ahead of my time.

What is your favorite frat?

Favorite frat is AEPi because I’m Jewish. I need to support me people, we’ve been through enough pain.

Where is your favorite spot to cry on campus?

To be honest– and you can quote me on this– I don’t mind crying anywhere. I will freely cry at most places. My friends will attest to this. I’m not afraid of crying because it shows my deep fears and flaws, and I think once people are more appreciative of how wrong I am as a person and how uncomfortable I am in my own skin, the more they will appreciate my awesomeness when I’m not crying.

What’s your dream job?

My dream job would be working up a ladder to something great. So something like McDonalds, there’s a lot of mobility in McDonald’s, a lot of people don’t realize that… It’s not like the Burger King model at all. The Burger King franchise model, I’ll have you know, is very flawed. You can end up staying in the same position for years. But the McDonald’s model allows you to jump from fryer to cash register, and maybe four years later you can actually get to assistant general manager. So that would eventually be my dream job, assuming that they accept applicants with Yale degrees, and not as a joke. I hate being treated as a joke.

What shows do you binge watch?

Orange is the New Black because I’ve always wondered what it’d be like to go to jail and I’ve always pictured myself being a white female woman in jail.

What do you plan to do about the fact that the YCC does nothing?

Nothing. I think we need to give power back to the student groups, so I say we need to minimize the role of YCC. And if that doesn’t work, well then I just say we boycott outside President Salovey’s lawn until he plays Intramural Sports. Because, frankly, that’s the only issue that I think every single Yalie can agree on.

What is the most important relationship you’ve made at Yale?

It’d have to be Sasha pup. We’ve actually never met, we talk online… OK, to be truthful, we actually don’t speak online, but I see her posts in public spaces. There’s this group called Overheard at Yale, don’t know if you’ve heard of it…

Yeah, I know the name.

Well, I’ve seen her posts there, you know, her pretty scandalous photos. And I have a little mini crush on her. I’m working up the nerve to talk to her with some sort of funny pickup line.

If you had to get a piercing anywhere other than your ears, where would you get it and why?

The big toe. The big toe doesn’t get enough credit because people think it looks ugly. But the big toe is clearly meant to hold something because otherwise, why would it be big.

If you had to be in any college other than your own, which would it be?

I mean, we should divest from JE.

I think you just lost the entire JE vote.

And it didn’t even pertain to your question, but we should definitely divest from JE. I just feel like I need to make that statement somewhere

What is your favorite thing about Yale?

I like how every Wednesday there’s a fun place to go to. You know, everyone can sort of have fun, gather in suites, hang out, do some stuff, whatever. Then they can go to the most fun place on campus, the Chaplain’s office. They host the Wednesday night study breaks, so I really appreciate that.

What’s your least favorite thing about Yale?

The Purell dispensers. I’ve found that the Purell dispensers oftentimes are empty, and it’s very frustrating. That and I  don’t like it when lonely professors host office hours because I feel it places an undue emotional burden on me to have to stay and listen. I know that sounds bad, but if we just don’t offer them the option to have office hours it won’t be a tease when they’re disappointed when no students show up.

What is your craziest Yale memory?

My craziest Yale memory would have to be Camp Yale…

This year or last year?

We’ll pretend it was a mistake in the past, so freshman year. I was a frat that shall go nameless and I went to the bathroom, but the door was broken. So when I locked it, it was jammed closed and I couldn’t open it up again. So my friends were trying to get me out, and the only solution was to break the door down. And it sort of fell down right in front of this girl when we slammed it open. She stared at the door, then back at us, then back at the door, and we just said, “we think the door is broken” and walked away.

What is your deepest darkest secret?

My deepest darkest secret is that I am color blind because I missed that day in second grade. So I’m still trying to figure that out.

What is your guilty pleasure?

It would have to be Gilmore Girls. That’s the main reason I went to Yale. I have yet to watch the show, I just know a lot of people who talk about it so I like to pretend it’s a guilty pleasure to relate to them.

What was your first AIM name?

cookiemonstur. It used to be cool to spell “er” words with a “u” instead of an “e”. But I can assure you it was suuuper popular. I was totally popular before I came to Yale, I swear. You don’t even have to look into that. I was really good-looking, too, back then. For sure.

You’ve already covered this, but Box or Toad’s?

Toad’s.

Blue State or Starbucks?

Hmmm. I’m going to abstain because I know there are people who feel strongly about both of those.

Sushi on Chap or Kumo?

Definitely Sushi on Chapel because I really like Chapel Street.

Sterling or Bass?

Oh, Bass for sure. Sterling’s resources of archaic Woody Allen films is extremely lacking while Bass, I’m sure, probably has a great resource somewhere.

Fuck, marry, kill: Schwartzman, Christakis, or Mueller?

Okay, interesting question. I’m more of a chastity kind of guy, so I think I’m going to have to challenge them all to a checkers match and see who would do best against me in that one-on-one situation, Whoever did best, I would probably marry, and the other two I would do both of those other things to. Just because they both lost and that’s only fair.

I’m going to be honest, there are rumors this campaign is a prank. Is that true or false?

I’ve been on YCC for two years and the biggest thing I’ve noticed is that people see it as a legislature, which we’re not. We’re an advocacy group, and that means we are entirely dependent on the students being interested in what we are advocating for. About half of Yale, believe it or not, just have no interest in talking about issues or bringing them forward. Not that they don’t care about the issues themselves, they just don’t care about the elections… So I wanted to do something that would make people excited and bring their attention to the election in any way possible, even if they’re just looking at my website because of the funny content. For example, the expansion of Toad’s, which is going to happen. We are getting 800 new students, it’s a practical concern. Even if we’re advocating for things like that, people are looking at our website as a real platform.

Humor to me is just a core part of my personality. I’ve always grown up with it. For me, it’s the easiest way to minimize emotions and get to the core argument in a way that people are going to want to listen to you. People will listen to people who present arguments in fun and exciting ways; the best advocate is someone who will make you want to listen, who make you cling on to every single word because it’s exciting and it’s fun! You want to engage back and forth in the argument, so that’s how I see myself doing well in that role.

What are your main campaign stances?

I have a 5-part platform. One, reform financial aid. Eliminating student financial contributions is something that is extremely important to me because I am on significant financial aid. I work 12 hours a week at my job as a student tech. It places a substantial burden on me. I have to plan my summers around how I’m going to get the money for the student income contribution. From working in YCC, I know the biggest problem right now is that we don’t have the personal stories of students like me and others that are affected getting to the alumni who are telling the administration to keep kids having skin in the game. So the role I see the YCC playing in that is connecting with students who have personal stories and help them give clear, concise ways to talk to the alumni directly as opposed to going through multiple middlemen.

The second issue would be continuing the reforms of mental health at Yale, which is huge. That’s something I struggles with freshman year, and that’s something many people struggle with. We have a culture at Yale that is not conducive to showing any sign of weakness or asking for help. You just have to appear happy all the time. And we need to change that culture, first of all, but there are also very significant issues that people face that the administration does not help with. For example, you should not have to wait four weeks or more to get an appointment with a counselor, regardless of how many appointments you’ve had in the past. There should be no limit to the extent of the mental health condition you say you have… My biggest concern with mental health is, just like in the 70s, we are going to let this slide back and be forgotten. I don’t want to be complacent with what we have done because we still have a significant number of hurdles to overcome.

The next issue is STEM resources. Not a lot of people are talking about it right now, but I sat down with the co-presidents of the Yale Undergraduate Research Association and they basically explained how impactful this is on their lives. 95 percent of students at Yale participate in some research-based activity while at Yale, yet Yale has continued to cut some fellowships for certain aspects of research. For example, climate change and energy research. Yale has continued to cut mentorship, research, fellowships, summer abroad opportunities, etc. in that area of study. The most flagrant thing Yale has done this year is cut all funding to the climate and energy institute, which Yale pioneered in 2013… There’s a huge, huge hole that was just created.

The fourth issue is dealing with the reforms in cultural and ethnic studies, houses and centers. We made some progress last semester. Obviously as a white male I am not going to try to fully understand the issues, which is why I want to create a YCC that is so prominently will promote the student groups who have vary passionate interests. I was talking to people at La Casa, I was talking to people at the Asian American Cultural Center, the Af Am house, etc. All of those houses have vested interests in this issue and will continue to push. All of the change we accomplished last semester was because of the students, not because of the YCC. We absolutely did work, but the real change came from the students, and that’s why we need to work closer with the student groups.

The fifth and final part of my platform is that there are a number of things that you might not be aware that the YCC is working on. The other candidates have mentioned this. For example, dining reform, a great task report just came out last month. There are a ton of things people don’t know that are super important, like that fact that you can swipe into meals multiple times a day. I didn’t know that! As someone who eats a lot, this is crucial… We are also trying to create more flexibility in terms of dining hall hours.

Give us your elevator pitch.

Well it’s basically just a streamlined version of what I just said. At the end of the day, the YCC is an advocacy group, and you want someone as the president who is going to listen to the other student groups. I will be someone who will not only listen, but empower the groups by having a representative come and sit down with administrators. I am also someone who loves expressing myself, loves expressing ideas, and knows how to sell things. I worked last summer selling AT&T door-to-door because I wanted something that would test me in that way, so I’m good at selling a product. And that’s what I’ll do at the end of the day is sell issues that the students are passionate about.

Why he’s convinced The Tab:

If Carter is one thing, he’s original. Whether his efforts end up successful or not, he is at least attempting to change the way students view the YCC. And he has an answer for everything. Literally everything. If you can make Carter Helschien fumble, I applaud you. Check out his campaign video here.

Watch out Sarah.