People who wear contact lenses every day have absolutely no fear

I poke myself in the eyes several times a day because I hate wearing glasses.

Once I had to do it in a cramped club toilet in Dalston with people gathered around me, like I was a zoo animal. Another time I did it at 35,000ft because it slipped out after I fell asleep to some Will Ferrell comedy. I spent five minutes inside the small cubicle, leaning over a metal sink, staring myopically at my red-eyed reflection.

Other contact lens wearers are always sympathetic; they understand. And sure, it would be a lot simpler just to wear glasses. Some people work them and that’s cool. They look stylish with thick frames or John Lennon circular rims, cat eye flicks or tortoise shell patterns. But I’ve tried them all and while it might work for you, they don’t look right on me. Some people just don’t suit glasses. Plus, I find the feel of heavy frames pushing down on your nose is a drag and being blinded when they slip off is an unpleasant shock.

Admittedly, so is putting contact lenses on inside out. That sharp sting in your eye makes you think the world might actually be ending; you weep uncontrollably. At least once a fortnight a contact will get stuck in your eye, and for a brief moment, you think that it will be this way forever. Though with a bit of weird tugging and blinking it always falls out eventually.

Any contact lens wearer can talk to you to boredom about the different types. Monthlies work out cheaper, but you have to store them every night. I have 11 large bottles of solution on my shelf because Specsavers just keep sending it – please let me know if you can think of another way to use the solution. Dailies are more convenient because they can be chucked away, but I am scared of flimsy lenses tearing apart the inside my eyeball, so I steer clear. I’ve worn mine overnight and woken up to regret it, but I wouldn’t dare wear a daily.

Yeah, we risk eye infections and we can’t go swimming unless we can do backcrawl blind. Sand is terrifying and one little grain can burn like hot fire. And sometimes I look weird. Standing in public, rolling my eyes and trying the old “blink away the pain” tactic, looking a little like I’m having a meltdown.

But contact lenses give the feel of having perfect eyesight – 20/20 vision without a frame blocking my view. They look natural and I never have to worry about taking my glasses off for a night out, because I can see anyway. Contact lenses all look the same, so I don’t have to worry about buying a new pair to keep up with fashion every couple of years. Even if they sting, fall apart are a major inconvenience – they’re the best thing to ever happen to my eyes.

I poke myself in the eye every day in pursuit of vanity – but it’s worth it.