Justin Trudeau is totally perfect

I would be terrified that Justin Trudeau is going to turn out to be a devious fraud.

I would worry that one day, someone will upload a clip of him fat-shaming a waitress, or throwing a puppy in a skip, or something. I would fret, but I know he won’t, because I believe in his utter perfection.

This week, the world remembered how much it loves the Canadian Prime Minister. It had been about a week since it last remembered how much it loves the Canadian Prime Minister, and the latest trigger is a picture that has been shared, inevitably, everywhere, which shows the Canadian PM balancing on a table, using his wrists and (presumably enviable) core strength to support his body. It is a yoga pose called the peacock pose and is very difficult. He adds ‘exceptionally proficient at yoga’ to his long, long list of attributes.

All of those attributes are, incidentally, very social-media friendly – though nothing about Trudeau seems calculated. His position is remarkable: he is laughably perfect but not the object of derision, or exasperation, or sneer. No one rolls their eyes when he says “being a Dad is the best job ever”, no one snarks that “of course he does yoga”, or gripes that they don’t “get” him.

For of course you get him. He is a handsome politician who is pictured holding baby Panda bears. He is sensible and sensitive and his election advertising campaigns were winning, self-deprecating and thereby deftly speared the superficiality of modern politics. God he’s so KNOWING.

You couldn’t make this shit up

He’s a feminist, though looks pleasantly bemused when people get animated about his feminism – then says he’ll keep saying it till there isn’t a reaction. He announced a gender-balanced cabinet “because it’s 2015” – and no one speared him for using a populist format (“it’s 2015”) to defend himself.

Of course he also speaks more eloquently on the matter. “If you’re a progressive, you really should be a feminist because it’s about equality, it’s about respect, it’s about making the best of the world that we have,” he told Vox in a video interview this week.

He wants to curtail climate change. He holds babies like it’s nbd. He has degrees in both literature and engineering. He talks about drug use without sounding like a snivelling creep. He has focused productively on the migrant crisis: his Liberal party committed to accepting 25,000 refugees by the beginning of this year. He once starred in a historical television drama. He’s raising taxes for the 1 per cent. He once said that if there were a movie made of his life, he would want Meryl Streep to play him.

Obviously, he’s quite dreamy. I watch him with shirt-sleeves rolled up, setting something to rights, a twinkle in his eye, a gleam in his teeth, and he makes me realise that one day I would like to get married to him.

Though obviously, he has a lovely family. Look at them. LOOK.

HE IS THE PERFECT MAN AND I LOVE HIM

What else? He acknowledges that his background is privileged- his father is a former Prime Minister – but refutes the idea that this makes him too rarefied to lead.

“There were days where I wouldn’t eat at school because we had to rush home to have lunch with the Queen, for example,” he has said. “At the same time it was instilled upon us that this was a privilege and a responsibility, and nothing made us better than anyone else.”

Honestly, if we all become one massive geopolitical state, I know who I want running the show. To think I used to say Canada was boring.

His sincerity is a foil to the furious, narrow-eyed calculation of every modern politician. But don’t intellectualise it. Don’t think. Just marvel at how Justin Trudeau really is perfect.