Asking ‘You don’t eat bacon?’ and other ways to offend a vegetarian

When you ditched meat for salad (and kept eating chips, chocolate, falafel, curry, most foods) you were prepared for the dietary changes but maybe not the other changes in everyday life that came with it. The endless questions and assumptions can really get on your nerves.

People saying you’re shoving your views down their throats

When you’re obsessed with fruit and veg

There’s that one veggie everyone knows who posts PETA videos and points out the ethical issues in their course mate’s chicken sandwich that spoils it for everyone else. Most of us go about our daily lives without our Facebook friends needing to know what we’re eating and what you shouldn’t be. Even more aggravating is when someone does detect you’re a vegetarian and then grills you on your ethical principles before finishing the convo with you being the aggressive veggie, better to maintain the right to remain silent and eat our rabbit food in a corner maybe?

‘So if you were on a desert island, you wouldn’t eat meat?’

When push comes to shove, obviously most of us would. Not sure why this is so shocking though, according to Bear Grylls I’d also end up drinking my own pee, would you drink your own pee if you were on a desert island is asked a lot less though I feel it is surely considered the most gross by your average Joe. Then comes another favourite question to ask veggies, Would you eat a burger for £1000, £2000, £3000? I don’t know any vegetarians that have managed to pay off their uni debt this way or understand the fascination with knowing at which point a veggie cracks but it always seems to be riveting conversation for your friends.

‘Hold on, where do you get your protein from?’

proving veggie food doesn’t have to be boring

You’re so right, the eggs, cheese, beans, yogurt, soya, nuts are really not providing me with a variety of options. When your mum’s friends find out they’ll panic for her, “but are they not ill all the time from lack of protein?” Everyone becomes a dietitian around a veggie. The obsession with protein is off the scale, no one ever asks anyone if their diet gives them enough vitamins, fibre or minerals after all but to everyone around you it seems its a medical miracle you’re still walking around.

‘Did you know Hitler was a vegetarian?’

Not sure why this makes all vegetarians evil. Hitler wasn’t veggie by the way but even if he was would it be relevant? Also have you been to Germany? It’s almost impossible to be veggie there- many restaurants think ham is meat free.Maybe Hitler was a vegetarian by those standards either way being compared to Hitler is a low point of a vegetarian lifestyle.

‘But what about bacon? Everyone loves bacon’

Its melting fat smells delicious it’s true. Consider that many Muslims and Hindus don’t eat pork and many people may choose not to eat it due to high fat and salt content. Students seem to be in love with bacon, not that collectively as students we are ever really concerned about our health. All veggies have one flatmate who will never get their head round how you can sit in a room with someone cooking bacon without salivating but it only ups our egos as we go around thinking we must have the most incredible self restraint.

‘I feel bad eating meat in front of you’

The idea that people should tip toe around us and avoid tucking into a maccies when we’re around is crazy. Let’s all get on with eating what we want. Don’t not invite us out for a meal, there is almost always a veggie option and it’s better to have a nice meal with your mates and only be able to eat sides than miss out. Then again when someone picks somewhere to eat because it has good veggie options for you it is very touching.

Thank god for chips being on every menu

Saying plants have feelings too or feel pain

You literally sound ridiculous. There is no scientific ground for this.

What do you do at Christmas?

Open presents, eat too much chocolate, watch movies in new pyjamas. Same as most really. Missing out on the turkey isn’t the be all and end all and roast potatoes, onion gravy, parsnips and sage and onion stuffing are all generally veggie safe so we don’t do so badly. No need to feel so sorry for us. Though relatives do love to try and get you to give in and eat a piggy in a blanket far too often.

When your mum tries to tempt you to eat meat

Saying ‘it’s not natural we are meant to be carnivores’

Is this true? it really depends on what you read. There are plenty of things not natural to our ancestors that we do everyday though. Ordering ready made food in a takeaway instead of hunting and foraging for it, going to work in an office instead of spearing fish in the local stream. Haven’t met a veggie yet who’s real motivations is an apathy with humans thousands of years ago.

So turns out there are plenty of ways to offend a veggie and your lifestyle choice is always going to cause questioning and fascination from those around you. So tuck into your carrot sticks cause its unlikely to stop anytime soon.