A definitive ranking of what the Disney princes would be like in bed

We all know Aladdin is good at rubbing that lamp 👀

4 years ago

Trash

Growing up there was definitely a stage in which we all fantasied about marrying a Disney prince. They’re dashing, courageous and some cartoon characters really are fit. I don’t know what it is about those animated drawings, but you’re lying if you didn’t ever have a crush on Aladdin.

Now that we’re older however, there’s less fantasy about marriage and instead far more dreaming about sex. If you’ve ever caught a glimpse of Cinderella or the Little Mermaid on TV during the Christmas reruns, then you have to admit a tiny part of you looks at Eric and wonders if he’d be good in the sack.

But of all the Disney princes which guy would truly be the best in bed and which would have you leaving before midnight? We’ve rewatched some clips and considered the answer to this. Just like any real prospective bed partner there’s a lot to consider before making the decision – physical attractiveness, personality and the ability to slay a dragon (yes that really is part of my dating criteria).

So after careful consideration these are the Disney princes ranked in bed from “turn him into a frog” to “wow he can really rub that lamp”:

10. Prince Charming

There is something incredibly frog like about this man. Of all the princes he seems the most boring and seems so bland you’d wonder why you even bothered shagging him in the first place.

He’s an entitled prince who would make you do all the work and not even bother to check if you’d finished. Oh and of course he’d have a foot fetish.

9. The prince from Snow White

He literally does not have a name, surely that tells you how irrelevant this man must be. Ok fair enough his kiss was enough to bring Snow White back from the dead but just because he’s a good kisser doesn’t mean he’d be good at the rest.

This prince seems like he’d be incredibly sweet (aka boring) in bed and would always have a set routine – five minutes of foreplay followed by swift missionary and a cuddle after. He’s not going to rock your world and unlike the end of a Disney movie there will be no fireworks.

8. Eric

Right it pains me to admit this because Eric seemed like a pretty decent guy, but he would not be good in bed. He seems pretty clueless – he accepted Ariel didn’t say anything for an entire movie.

He would definitely spend far too long thinking he’s found the clit when in reality he’s two inches too far south. And he’s a prince who’s been handed everything since birth so when he doesn’t get you off he just gives up and carries on with focusing on getting himself off.

Eric would definitely expect you to go on top and he would last approximately three minutes.

7. John Smith

Listen, this man had no problem invading a land that didn’t belong to him, what makes you think he’s gonna give a fuck about your orgasm?

Like a 17th century rugby boy John Smith is big and can throw you over his shoulder, he can say some sweet things but ultimately it’s so he can get into your knickers.

It’ll be fast, you’ll be flung about and he will ask to finish on your face. But hey at least this time he asked before invading your space.

6. The Beast

The beast is quite literally a man of two halves. He’s a gentle giant who thanks to his slight beast tendencies can be very dominating and rough in bed.

However in human form he’s a man of the 1700s so he’s going to be quite a soppy romantic. Therefore sex with the beast in human form would be soft and sensitive.

So depending on your type you can basically get it all with the beast. However the unreliability of him means he’s only a semi decent prince in the sack. One minute he could be pinning you to the bed, the next he’s writing a poem about your eyes. No one needs that level of confusion.

5. Prince Philip

Ok so I have to admit my slight bias here, Sleeping Beauty was my favourite Disney filming growing up, therefore Prince Philip has to rank pretty highly.

However despite my slight favouritism I still reckon Prince Philip would be good in bed. He’s charismatic, determined and knows how to ride a horse very well.

Look at that smouldering stare – he’s practically a cartoon Zac Efron. I don’t think he’d be the best shag of your life but he’d mix up his positions, last a decent amount of time and probably ensure you came. All in all can’t complain but you won’t be bragging to the group chat about the mind blowing sex.

4. Prince Naveen

Look at that smile, you know you’re in for a good time. Prince Naveen is incredibly arrogant but also manages to get all the girls so he must be doing something right.

And that something is sex. He may not be the most selfless man but Naveen will show you a good time. It’ll be fast, full of passion and intensity. He’s got the moves and you will most definitely finish.

There’s no guarantee you’ll hear from him again. He’s a busy man with many other women, but honestly one night with Naveen will be enough to keep you satisfied for a long time.

3. Flynn Rider

You may hate to admit it but we all like a cheeky bad boy and there is just something about Flynn Rider’s smirk that makes me rather weak at the knees.

The best bit about sleeping with Flynn would definitely be the anticipation and foreplay before. It would be flirty comments, footsie played under the table and a cheeky wink before going back to his.

This man is incredibly cocky and he has the skills to back it up and he knows it. His hands and tongue know exactly what they’re doing and tbf the rest of him is pretty good too.

He is a big fan of doggy and he would be rated much higher but his arrogance is too off putting to be given a top spot.

2. Aladdin

Oh Aladdin, the loveable rogue from our childhood. He works hard and stops at nothing to get what he wants including you. He’ll be complimenting you and making sure you have the best time which includes multiple orgasms.

He’s cheeky, confident but also surprisingly sweet. Sleeping with him would involve tickles, cute little laughs and we all know he knows how to rub that lamp well 👀.

Aladdin is full of energy so you’d be going be in for a long ride full of different positions and mutual effort (magic carpet not necessarily included).

1. Li Shang

And the prize for the prince who would be the best in bed easily goes to Li Shang. It’s not just about aesthetics but Li Shang is ripped, has broad shoulders and incredible arms so you already know he’s going to do you well. His strength means he could chuck you around the room and pin you against the wall and hold you up.

He’s also very determined and a gentleman – he’s not going to even think about finishing until he knows you’ve got there. And boy will you get there. He can go for hours and is always mixing it up. One minute he’s going hard and practically railing you. Then a moment later he’s going slow and sensual, kissing your neck and stroking your hair, and you will probably end up seeing god.