Every item on the McDonald’s menu, definitively ranked from worst to best

If you’re like me, you probably have about three meals from McDonald’s that you spend your various hangovers rotating through. The news then that their menu actually contains upwards of 50 items might be quite a sobering shock – as it was for me when I had already committed to ranking every item on sale. So here we are. Without further ado, every item on the McDonald’s menu ranked from worst to best:

54. Carrot Bag

Look, just because you’re calling it “reindeer treats” in your ad campaigns doesn’t mean anyone’s going to get excited over this.

53. Muffin with Jam

Via McDonald’s

I beg your pardon? What the National Trust café is going on here then?

52. Veggie Dippers

Sort of like putting the vile, colourless, boiled vegetables you’d get from a school canteen into a crispy coating. A gleaming example of the fact you can’t polish a turd.

51. Side Salad

A waste of our time, energy, bites and breath.

50. Vegetable Deluxe

Via McDonald’s

Let’s have a little chat about the word “deluxe”. To me, deluxe means luxury. Opulence. A rare treat, something a bit special. I don’t think we can call a couple of the aforementioned dippers slapped on a bun with some lettuce and mayo “deluxe” now, can we? If we’re being brutally honest.

49. Apple Bag

I like apples. That’s all there is to it really. There’s an urban legend going round that grapes can too be found here. I’ve never ordered one of these from McDonald’s because I am an adult.

48. Spicy Veggie Wrap

This has more right to brand itself as “deluxe”, but it modestly doesn’t. The McDonald’s wraps make everything a little bit better, the spicy sauce has a song in its heart, but at the end of the day this is still an item centred on those damp squib dippers. I will never respect the dippers when getting the McDonald’s menu ranked.

47. Bacon Roll with Tomato Ketchup

Via McDonald’s

I just can’t help but think anyone ordering these might as well not have gone to McDonald’s at all. You can literally make this at home. You could just walk two minutes down the road and get it from the butty shop near your house. What are you doing here?

46. Bacon Roll with Brown Sauce

See previous comments, only with an extra point because brown sauce is the correct choice of condiment.

45. Triple Chocolate Cookie

A bit of a weird addition to the menu. Don’t think I’ve ever seen someone order or eat one, although I’m confident they’re probably very nice. It just feels a bit Sainsbury’s bakery section, doesn’t it?

44. Millionaire’s Donut

Via McDonald’s

I just feel a bit sick at the thought of having something this gooey and rich after a big clobber Maccies. Caramel filling, icing, biscuit, drizzle – it’s all too much! Fine if you’re at Greggs, a bit cursed if you’re having a McDonald’s.

43. Chocolate Brownie

A bit more understated than the Millionaire’s Donut, that quite frankly makes me want to eat the rich, the Chocolate Brownie looks a bit more manageable. Although truth be told, I just really don’t want it. Does anyone?

42. Mixed Berry Muffin

ENOUGH WITH THE MUFFINS AND CAKES! I BEG!

41. Hamburger

Via McDonald’s

I have to laugh. I have to let out a chuckle. The absolute dregs of the classics, a shameful showing for the ranked McDonald’s menu. The fact it’s called a hamburger but features no pork? What’s that all about? It’s just a cheeseless cheeseburger. AKA – redundant. If I was the hamburger I’d never show my face in public.

40. Breakfast Roll with Tomato Ketchup

A lot to unpack here. Kind of just like putting every thing on the breakfast menu on a roll, but the thing is, I can’t support this when we still don’t have the breakfast wraps back in our lives. So, what now?

39. Sugar Donut

I know I’ve been quite anti-baked goods and pastries etc so far in this ranking, but a Sugar Donut never hurt nobody.

38. Crispy Chicken Salad

I’m really not that furious about a Chicken Legend breast fillet whacked on some salad. I’d eat it quite willingly, as long as I got some assurance that the lettuce hadn’t gathered dust from the sheer amount of people who just never order this.

37. Breakfast Roll with Brown Sauce

Via McDonald’s

No, I’m sorry, this looks good. I’m eating it. Apologies all, I’m going in.

36. Filet-o-Fish

I respect the Filet-o-Fish even if I never want to eat one in my life. It’s doing it for the sea. Bringing some aquatic energy to the Maccies menu. It just stands out from everything else and I think its name is rather jaunty. A quirky soul amongst the old favourites. The salty sea dog of the crew.

35. Egg and Cheese McMuffin

I can’t help but laugh that McDonald’s include the “and Cheese” for this one when all the meat ones come with cheese too but don’t mention it in the title. They really want to make that egg feel better about being on its lonesome.

34. Bacon and Egg McMuffin

Via McDonald’s

Look, it’s got bacon on! And like with all breakfast items that include bacon, it is now simply better!

33. Double Bacon and Egg McMuffin

Bacon is a thin meat, so if you want to double it up, who am I to stop you? Thus ends the era of ranked McDonald’s menu Bacon McMuffins.

32. McChicken Sandwich

You’re just a Mayo Chicken with sesame seeds on and everybody knows it.

31. Pancakes and Syrup

I mean, sure if you like! I do kind of respect the pancakes presence on the McDonald’s menu, so haven’t ranked too harshly. It’s not what I’m going there for but they do feel very American and on theme so… pancake on, doll!

30. Crispy Chicken and Bacon Salad

Via McDonald’s

Maybe I’ve just been staring at the menu for too long, but this actually looks quite delicious? Pay 20p for one of the Sweet Chilli Selects dips and drizzle it over and I’m absolutely going to demolish this. I’d still get a portion of chips and a burger on the side, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.

29. Bacon Mayo Chicken

Turns out there’s truly nothing that McDonald’s won’t just shove bacon on!

28. Pancakes with Syrup AND SAUSAGE

Via McDonald’s

An agent of chaos. I’m just sitting back and marvelling at everything that’s going on on that paper plate. All sorts of flavours and mayhem. I like a rogue wild child, and that’s what I’m seeing here.

27. Apple Pie

There’s a bit of a suburban USA chic to this one that I feel a bit enamoured with. It feels like the Danny and Sandy of the menu – a drive-in cinema and a 50s school prom in a pie.

26. Triple Cheeseburger

Via McDonald’s

A good example of the logic that more is truly not always more. I love all the components at play here, and I would eat it if push came to shove. Sometimes with the Triple Cheeseburger I feel like I’m drowning in beef and that my throat might seal up permanently when trying to eat one. It’s the definition of CLAGGY.

25. Oreo McFlurry

God, McFlurrys are bloody good, aren’t they? That ice cream really hits different. When the machine is working, that is. Oreos are actually one of my favourite biscuits, but one of my least favourite things to go with stuff that isn’t just an Oreo biscuit. The fact we no longer have Crunchie McFlurrys bit this instead is a little sad to me. RIP Crunchie McFlurrys.

24. Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese

Similar concerns to the beef-drowning found when eating Triple Cheeseburgers do also arise when tucking into a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, but I think the fact it doesn’t have the word “triple” in it makes it feel a bit more socially acceptable to tuck in to.

23. Maltesers McFlurry

Via McDonald’s

Whilst this is clearly a very gorgeous addition to the menu, I do find myself mourning what we lost. Before the Maltesers McFlurry became a mainstay, it used to be one of the rotating special ones that cost a bit more but came with a gorgeous, gloopy chocolate sauce. Whilst we get to have the joys of Maltesers bits in our ice cream year round now, the lack of that sauce still makes me weep. Conflicted.

22. Chicken Legend with Spicy Mayo

The Chicken Legend is an absolute wow. Make no mistake. It feels like luxury. The ciabatta, the lettuce, the nicely seasoned chicken. Whatever sauce you get, you’re in for a good time. It’s just personal taste on that front, but I still firmly believe the discontinued spicy salsa Chicken Legend was the best and I will not rest until it’s back on the McDonald’s menu and ranked at the top spot.

21. McPlant

Via McDonald’s

I am so pleased for every veggie and vegan who can now tuck into a proper McDonald’s burger from the menu with the addition of the McPlant, and it’s ranked respectably because I think it’s a trailblazer. The soggy veg dippers are truly embarrassed to be seen next to this plant based titan. A king.

20. Mayo Chicken

Confession time: I don’t like mayo. I’m not touching this, but I know that if you do love mayo that the Mayo Chicken is arguably an absolutely essential. Fair play to it, it’s a classic and a great way to kick off the top 20. But personally, we all know full well this is just a big chicken nugget on bread.

19. Milkshakes

Via McDonald’s

Thick and gloopy heaven. Impossible to drink through a straw (especially paper ones) but the world truly does not care. It’s worth the literal fellatio you have to perform to get to the good stuff. When they’re on offer, which is infamously a rarity thanks to machines being off, the Maccies milkshakes are nothing short of heaven on earth.

18. Smarties McFlurry

There’s a reason that the Smarties McFlurry is the longest serving and still standing OG McFlurry. It’s more timeless than the little black dress. Just that good, whip ice cream with some crushed up Smarties in. The simplicity is striking, the messy, haphazard battering of the Smarties so perfectly chaotic. The crunch and the cream? Bliss.

17. Cheeseburger

Via McDonald’s

An absolute legend. A mainstay. A student essential. If you’ve got a student card, you aren’t leaving McDonald’s without one of these in the bag, and that is honestly the way it should be. It’s crazy how much that one slice of cheese does wonders for the humble burger – Hamburger can rot in hell, but a cheeseburger is perfection.

16. Sausage and Egg McMuffin

Absolutely magical. Potentially a controversial opinion, but a McDonald’s egg really do be hitting me right. The spherical sausage and the perfectly shaped egg with cheese and a muffin vibe? Untouchable.

15. Chicken Legend with Cool Mayo

I’m doing this for the mayo lovers, because I’m sure if you love mayo and you love the elite and tantalising tastes of a Chicken Legend it probably doesn’t get much more delightfully luxury than this. Legend by name, legend by nature.

14. BBQ Chicken and Bacon Wrap

I will fight the good fight for the McDonald’s Wraps until the day I die, and this is their silver medalist. The Selects bang in the wrap, the tomato a lovely touch, the BBQ sauce perfectly smoky, the bacon a dream. If it’s Wrap Of The Day I’m ordering it. No questions, no comments,

13. Cheesy Bacon Flatbread

Via McDonald’s

Potentially cowering in fear for my high McDonald’s Menu ranked placement of this one, but I’m sorry to say that I love it. I love Maccies processed cheese slices with all my heart and soul. And this is just them and some bacon slapped on a flatbread for £1.49. You know when you want a McDonald’s breakfast and fancy another little extra? ENTER: Your old, dependable friend the Cheesy Bacon Flatbread. I love it, and if you don’t, just give another one to me.

12. Double Cheeseburger with Bacon

The fact you’re yet to see the Double Cheeseburger here means the best is yet to come, and I’ll share my thoughts on it shortly. I like it less with bacon on it, but it’s still nearly in the top 10 so rest assured it is VERY GOOD.

11. Cheese Melt Dippers

Via McDonald’s

There’s always a version of dippable cheese on offer at McDonald’s, and at the time of this menu ranked list, it’s the Camembert circular ones. I don’t care which version is on offer, they would take the 11th spot. All are gorgeous, all are a delight. Mozzarella are the best, but I’ll take whatever cheesy goodness I can get.

10. Chicken Legend with BBQ Sauce

Via McDonald’s

Erm, excuse me, am I in McDonald’s or am I in an Italian bistro? Gorgeous bread, crispy lettuce, a nice sauce and the best chicken Maccies has to offer? Doesn’t get more elite than this, really. The vibeyest order. When they were out of stock throughout the entire nation this year due to supply shortages it honestly was the worst time of my life. It was the real pandemic.

9. Sweet Chilli Chicken Wrap

Via McDonald’s

Truly a spectacular taste fusion. This is my absolute go to. I love it with all my heart and soul and I’m always in the mood for it. I get no mayo so I can focus on that SPICE. Knocks most of the burgers on the menu into the abyss with its good price, good size, easy to eat on the go vibe and just cool energy. It’s chic. Get into it.

8. Big Mac

Via McDonald’s

You’ve just got to put some respect on it’s name. It’s the Super Bowl of burgers, a stacked up beast boldly stood there with another layer of bread inside it. It should have some more cheese on it and I don’t even care about the sauce that much, but I do care about history. I’ve got an A Level in it. Big Mac should have had its own module.

7. Hash Brown

Via McDonald’s

I don’t think the hash brown actually knows its own strength. A humble and gentle king of the breakfast plate. Furthermore, McDonald’s Hash Browns are practically in a league of their own – a flaky, greasy, crunchy diamond of potato that are so good that I can’t do a Maccies brekky without getting at least 10. This little slice of spud is better than a Big Mac.

6. Quarter Pounder with Cheese

Via McDonald’s

The best big burger you can get on the McDonald’s menu, and ranked accordingly. Truly elite. The Quarter Pounder patty just hits so much better than the ones on the smaller burgers, as it should. The TWO slices of cheese also makes it a million times better, but honestly? My favourite bit? The actual onion. Proper raw onion slices. Absolutely perfect. The Pokemon evolution of a cheeseburger. Main character of the menu.

5. Double Sausage and Egg McMuffin

Via McDonald’s

Literally the best breakfast money can buy. With one bite of this you’re actually eating like a king. That double sausage makes all the distance. The early mornings, the hangovers, the car journeys and road trips… the Sausage and Egg McMuffin has been there for it all. It’s had your back through thick and thin. It’s never going to let you down.

4. Fries

Via McDonalds

Absolutely timeless salty beasts. When they’re good, they’re great. And even when they come cold and soggy there’s still not a chance you’d ever bin them. The way they compliment every single dip Maccies sells perfectly is something other fast food chains could only dream of achieving. Ignore the people who try and get attention by saying it’s nice to dip them in milkshakes.

3. Chicken Selects

Via McDonald’s

Objectively probably the nicest thing on the entire menu. 20 Selects sharebox when? Honestly I think they’re nicer chicken than KFC. The dips alone put them in the god tier, the Sweet Chilli and the Smoky BBQ you best believe I will be chucking my extra 20 pennies at. The coating, the flavour, the chicken breast… All heaven. A wow every bite. Could eat them for the rest of my life and die happy.

2. Double Cheeseburger

Via McDonald’s

The unrelenting and forever ruling monarch of the Saver Menu. The Double Cheeseburger gets in, does the job and gets out. Leaves you wanting more. More substantial than a poxy cheeseburger, but not too big to get as a little extra treat on a hungry day. The kind of menu item you want to just nip into McDonald’s for at all times, and is ranked second for that temptation quality alone. Everything works in perfect harmony. Sure, the Quarter Pounder is more beefed up, but the Double Cheeseburger has the people’s hearts.

1. Chicken McNuggets

Via McDonald’s

There’s a reason that every single veggie I know has been tempted to stay “fuck it” when they’re hungover and order a box of 20 McNuggets to themselves. They’re the most perfect and dependable item on the Maccies menu. They never come bad, or wrong, or different. You know them like the back of your hand. When you were a child chomping on Happy Meals, they were there. And now you’re a man child chomping on them after drinking at least 17 double vodka Red Bulls, they remain there. Old friend, I thank you. Forever.

Featured image courtesy of McDonald’s.

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