If you have any of these things lying about in your bathroom, you’re officially a posh girl

*cries in CeraVe*

1 year ago

Guides

Before we begin to bathroom-bash, it’s worth defining what a “posh girl” actually is. After all, there are certain requirements which come with such a label and the last thing I want is a herd of angry, white linen clad Surrey rahs running at me.

Starting off nice and easy, you’re probably from the south or have family who are. Holidays consist of surfing in Padstow or raiding the local Quba Sails in Salcombe. Either way, any connection to the south is at the heart of every posh girl and sadly that’s something we can’t hide.

The next essential criteria of a posh girl is the accent. Now, we’ve already established you live near London or have an Aunt on the outskirts of Kent, but it’s not that simple. You need to sound like you’ve been chain smoking since birth, it’s the defining characteristic of any true posh girl. Seriously though, the croakier the better. Another obvious indicator is your Depop account and Pret addiction. We all know you’re scamming y2k girlies left and right, as well as the poor barista who’s still under the impression it’s your first free month. If this wasn’t enough to convince you that you’re a posh girl, then maybe check your bathroom for the following items:

A Gua Sha or Jade Roller

via @michaelascott20 on TikTok

Again, incredibly predictable. The Gua Sha and Jade Roller combo is every posh girl’s best friend. It keeps you calm, collected and in a state of mind where you can really picture a life in Clapham with a sausage dog called Olive.

The same bottle of Mario Badescu you’ve had for the past six years

Don’t kid yourself, you knew this was coming the moment you clicked on this article. Having Mario Badescu in your bathroom is the definition of a posh girl. It just radiates wealth. With that being said, it also radiates stupidity. You may as well have “mug” written on your forehead because we all know it’s not exactly magic; the drying lotion has been stuck to the bottom of the bottle since day one and the rose-scented facial spray doesn’t even smell of roses. Instead, it just reeks of disappointment and deep regrets.

A mini fridge

via @gabschase on TikTok

Another pointless purchase. If you’re posh enough to own one of these, you should probably be slapped. I’m sorry, but a mini fridge is only ever supposed to be used for sweet treats or alcoholic beverages. There is simply no argument that a Diet Coke takes precedence over an eye patch.

The CeraVe cleanser

Posh girls aren’t the only breed to have been sold into CeraVe. In fact, I’m pretty sure the whole of TikTok is a slave to this skincare brand. It’s genuinely made no difference to my face and I’ve been scrubbing it for two years straight. As if a posh girl doesn’t have enough going on, you just had to add pores into the mix. Thanks for nothing, @Hyram.

A fluffy headband you paid double for in Urban

Adding to the endless scrunchies and headscarves you wear, a fluffy headband is the bathroom staple you can’t live without. It truly wouldn’t be a posh girl morning routine without one of these bad boys lying around (bonus points if it has ears). There’s just something about it that Matilda Djerf would be proud of.

Eye patches – the silicone kind

They do nothing. I repeat, they do nothing. Sill look cute though so I’ll let you off the hook.

Black Opium

Black Opium is that perfume- the kind that only posh girls wear. To clarify, if your signature scent is something which “features black coffee and sensual vanilla”, you know what you’re doing. Again, it not only fuels your Pret addiction, but it also teases a reaction. In other words, you crave validation. You NEED validation. I actually think that’s got tagline potential.

Anything Sol de Janeiro

via @samieelishi on Instagram

From their Bum Bum cream to their body mist, Sol de Janeiro is a posh girl’s second love – the first being Soap & Glory of course. It looks cool, it sounds cool- there’s not really much else to say. Am I forgetting anything? Oh yes, you probably smell like an ice cream parlour 24/7. The dream.

Isle of Paradise tanning drops

Again, this one isn’t just limited to posh girls but anyone who suffers from being pale. It’s a battle we’re trying to overcome with daily drops of Paradise. In all seriousness though, any product from Isle of Paradise has “posh” written all over. It’s not your standard fake bake, it’s the real deal.

An electric exfoliator

Groundbreaking technology only a posh girl would use. It comes in about three colours and ranges from £3 on Amazon to £99 on Cult Beauty. Yes, you read that right. There’s something deeply wrong if you pay over a fiver for one of these. Then again, there’s something wrong with buying one altogether. It’s just another overpriced product which is pretty to look at but nothing else. In fact, these devices are only made up of about two functions, both of which are faulty and aggressive on the skin.

A Dyson Airwrap

via @oliviadaytonn on TikTok

Last but not least, every posh girl’s favourite accessory- the Dyson Airwrap. If you can afford to splurge this much money on a miniature hair hoover, I think it’s fair to say you’re in the top 1o percentage of UK posh girls. Unlike the exfoliator above, a Dyson Airwrap is an award-winning, multi-functional masterpiece. I just admire and envy you all so much.

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