How the nail the dreaded post-house party clean up

House parties can often be a more enjoyable alternative to the same routine night out – they’re often the best nights you have at university.

But their one big downfall is the clean-up operation – we’ve all stumbled down the stairs with banging heads and sore throats to be greeted with what looks like the aftermath of one of the looser episodes of Skins.

But do not despair, it’s not as difficult to sort out as it first appears. It’s all about your attitude, who you do it with, and how you go about it. It’s all about taking it in steps.

Don’t panic, even if your living room looks like this

The prep

It’s crucial that you only attempt a clean up op with the housemates that you actually like. It doesn’t matter if the ones you don’t see eye to eye get away scot-free, you can slag them off on the WhatsApp group later.

Carrying out this delicate operation with people you don’g get along with is a recipe for an all out passive aggressive house war. It is also crucial to sort out which jams are going to provide the soundtrack to your clean up. These need to be pumping, upbeat bangers that are gonna give you enough motivation to get scrubbing that Saver’s £4 wine stickiness off your living room table. Here are a couple of personal, tried and tested suggestions for good measure;

Get rid of the rubbish first

This is the easiest step; a good way to ease in to the process. Plus, it makes sense to get rid of the tinnies and empty plastic cups littering the house so you can get at the surfaces with a mop later. Get yourselves some bin bags, and do a thorough sweep of the house. Never underestimate where house party litter might have somehow ended up. Check every room, corridor, stairwell, bathroom and any other nooks and crannies that pesky party-goers might have managed to drop their Becks bottles or plastic shot glasses. There, doesn’t it look cleaner already?

Make sure you collect glass bottles separately, obvs

Now, tackle any spillages

You’re gonna need to get rid of any spilled beverages or liquids of any kind (best not wonder about what they are) next, or you’re not going to be able to hoover next without breaking your already-probably-quite-shit vacuum cleaner. Take a whole roll of kitchen towel and get soaking up. If necessary, leave the kitchen roll over the spillage for a while to let it soak up, and come back to it later.

Try not to think about what the stains are, just scrub them

Hoover time

You’re on the home stretch now; get your probably old and terrible vacuum cleaner out of the cupboard where it lives and get all that grubby drunk takeaway detritus off the floor. Even if you have wood flooring, you must always hoover before you mop, or else you’re just making the dirt wet and spreading it around.

Come on, you know what this is. There’s probably one in your house somewhere

Finally, mop up

That post-cleanup reward cigarette/pub lunch/whatever is in sight; just the mopping part of the operation remains. For the love of god don’t just use water, get some surface cleaner in there and make those hard floors shine.

You’ve done it. Just try not to think about the fact that you’ll be back to square one again next weekend.