The advantages of being ginger

Ranga, Ginger-pubes, Ginger-minger, Carrot, Rhiangutan (a personal fave), tampon-head…the list of insults that I have been subjected to over the years is never-ending.

Life’s always been a struggle for the ginger people and there’s even the odd case of serious abuse today. Still, things have got a little better since the 15th century when I would have been burnt at the stake for being a witch or hunted down for my pale skin, which was believed to be a trait of the vampire.

Sometimes it feels as though the witch hunt is far from over, but instead of trying to disguise my fiery head in a shade of blonde or brunette, I deal with my Ginger ‘disease’ by embracing it. You can beat the bullies if you stay ginger and proud.

Gingers are still tormented, but it’s not as bad as it used to be.

I don’t have to bleach my upper lip

I may not have glossy, perfect tumbling brunette locks but at least I don’t have a ‘tache.

Nice ‘tache

We’re a rare breed

The gingers are dying out. It’s true. Only four per cent of the world’s population are redheaded and I am proud to be part of this exclusive group. In the near future my people will probably become extinct, so if you think about it I am as legendary as the DoDo or a dinosaur.

Keep kicking us and we’ll die out

My friends can always spot me from afar 

My glowing white skin and my bright hair make me impossible to miss- I am instantly recognisable. There’s no awkwardness with the person waving at you in the distance, it is definitely me.

The health benefits

Amongst other insults thrown my way, I’ve also acquired the name ‘Shade-Gremlin’ because I tend to avoid the sun. I don’t tan, because I can’t. I have to wear factor 50+ even in England, but I don’t care because I have a smaller chance of getting skin cancer. Every cloud…

What I had to take away with me last summer

It’s a hard life

Gingers Unite

Ginger people do actually unite together. If I walk past a fellow ginger, I either think to myself “that person is also ginger”, or I give them a nod in ginger solidarity. We acknowledge one another with silent approval and understanding.

We’re harder to knock out

It has been scientifically proven gingers need more anaesthetic than blondes or brunettes. In an article on the BBC, Doctor Edwin Liem said: “Since red hair can be traced to particular mutations in the melanocortin one receptor, we now have the opportunity to evaluate central nervous system pathways that may influence or mediate anaesthetic requirement.”

Aside from suggesting all ginger people are mutants, this means we are super strong. So don’t mess, yeah?

Gingers need 20 per cent more anaesthetic, apparently. Put ’em up

The guys on Tinder bloody love it

There’s always going to be someone out there who “has a thing for redheads”. Whether this attention is wanted or not is another matter, but it’s still flattering nonetheless. Unless your name is Casper…

Hmm…soz Casper

Bit rude but I’ll take it

Playing dress up is easy

Don’t have a fancy dress costume? No biggie. Just grab a stripy tie, make a cape out of a bin liner and you’re a Weasley. If you’re feeling really creative you can fashion a wand out of a stick. (See below).

Fake tan is NOT your friend

You might be tempted to turn to fake tan after years of torment over your pasty complexion, but the sooner you accept your ghostly white appearance the easier your life will become. Unless you want this to happen:

It actually looks painful

We rarely get spots

If nothing else convinces you, gingers usually have a flawless complexion with not a zit in sight.

Might look like a ghost but it’s better than your zits

Ginger role models

Florence Welch, Ginger Spice, the Weasleys, Ann Robinson, Lindsay Lohan (think of the Parent Trap and the Mean Girls days), Lily Cole, Axl Rose, David Bowie, Prince Harry. The list goes on. Like them or not, they’re all more influential and more powerful than you.

I mean, would you wanna mess with the Celtic warrior Queen Boudicca? I think not.

My overall message to my fellow gingers is to hang on in there and embrace your ginger genes. To all the non-gingers out there, stop asking me what colour my pubic hair is.