Freshers: Expectations Vs. Reality

“Uni will be the best time of your life, you will meet so many people during freshers week and make loads of new friends.”

We are sick of hearing this tedious shit too, so here is a more realistic, if rather cynical, take on the fresher experience. Unfortunately, some of your hopes and expectations for the upcoming months won’t become reality- I’m sorry about that (not really).

 1.   Expectation: Partying all night with your new friends:

Reality: Heading home with a tray of chicken and chips at half 12, or not making it past pre drinks at all.

Fresher’s week will certainly be messy, but maybe not quite as hardcore as you were led to believe.

2.   Expectation: Cooking fabulous meals every night with the help of your new student cook-book:

Reality:   Eating fish fingers and oven chips whilst nursing your hangover.

Fuck you Jamie Oliver, your meals do not take 15 minutes and funnily enough I don’t have any fresh coriander in my cupboard.

3.   Expectation: Transforming your bedroom into a stylish, calm oasis:

 Reality: Putting up a poster or two and shoving everything into drawers to sort out ‘later’.

Sadly, my room didn’t quite turn into the princess grotto I’d originally imagined.

4.   Expectation: Finding your new love interest and/or having crazy one night stands:

Reality: Waking up alone on your kitchen floor next to a half-eaten doner kebab.

At least this one has a friend

5.   Expectation: Impressing your new peers with your fabulous personality:

Reality: Drinking too much and attempting to twerk/ do the Gangam style dance in front of future course mates.

Although you may drunkenly think you’ve made a BFFL, you will soon discover the annoyance of having to avoid eye contact with somebody who you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of for the next three years.

6.   Expectation: Playing wild drinking games for hours:

Reality: Feeling ready for a sneaky vomit after two shots of Sambuca.

 7.   Expectation: Looking hot, fun and care-free in fancy dress:

 Reality:  Seeing photos the next day and cringing. You looked like a twat.

That costume might be hilarious at the start of the night, but not so funny when you’re walking down Broadstreet dressed as a drunk and sweaty duck.