‘Party’ Politics

With all the jargon and confusing political manifestos, it’s no wonder student apathy is at an all time high. The Tab feels its time end the confusion, so we’ve taken the liberty of creating party profiles you can really relate to.

Conservative Party – Mechu

In theory a good choice, I mean what isn’t to like? Adorn your quickly ironed shirt, throw on the brogues and push the overdraft a little bit more. The door policy is strictly enforced to keep out the ‘hoi polloi’, with the prices reflecting this.

‘Will there be girls?’ ‘Yes David.’ ‘…and, and champagne?’ ‘Yes David.’ ‘And you say NO working class people?’ ‘Of course not David…’

You’re there with people who sound like they are from Made in Chelsea awkwardly loitering around the ‘VIP’ section, but is this really what a student’s night out should be like? Is there any substance behind the flashing lights, swivel chairs and fake tan? Fine for those with the cash to spend and enjoy the company of a certain ‘type’, but far too concerned with Moet and ‘Instagraming’ photos.

In essence it’s just hopelessly out of touch with the real experience of many students.

UKIP- Popworld

Very much on the ‘far side’ of Broad Street. A hark back to the good old days of British music such as S-Club, Blue and the Spice Girls before Bieber, Rihanna and Drake came over here and took over our airways.

“So I said, there’s no way you’re getting into this joint without a British passport”

The dress code is the wackier the better- ‘eccentrics’ welcome! A small and alternative night out with its fair share of OAPs and an ever increasing number of wide-eyed youngsters swept up with the bright lights, colours and promise of a better partying experience. After the ‘re-branding’ it appears to be going from strength to strength, this could easily become a contender especially with disillusioned freshers and hardened third years.

Does it have the energy to go all the way?

Lib Dems- FAB

A firm favourite with students for a long time but I am afraid is now more of a novelty. There is definitely some Freudian ‘complex’ about being in the shadow of the Broad Street Boys, which can lead to making poor decisions.

“Damn I look mighty fine in this light”

Undoubtedly a good night out, but is there any real alternative on a Saturday? Especially if you are disenchanted with the weekend Broad Street, that caters to the yokels and ignores us students! Fab offers hope of something different. However, one cannot help feeling cheated when there is no silent disco, just like the feeling regarding some election manifesto ‘promises’ eh Nick?

Many students have good memories of FAB, but is it simply just an imitation  of your average week night clubbing venture? It may be special, but this  is probably down to the efforts of your friends and the student atmosphere- the night itself is relatively uninspired.

Labour – Gatecrasher

A landmark night out with good memories from Freshers, being one of the first places to go as soon as you embraced the university lifestyle. You knew what you were in for and it was at the top for so long, but alas it become comfortable and then bankrupt. A change in management didn’t deliver the revival it so desperately needed but it still continues to attract the loyal base returning each week.

“Hey its that guy from Everybody Loves Raymond”

The diversity of rooms, the ability to draw big crowds as well as regular ‘handouts’ on a Friday (mainly t-shirts and shades) are definite perks, although it does depend on who is paying! But when you stop and actually think about what it stands for, then you become more confused than when you are trying to find out which room your mates are actually in!

The size and legacy of GC offers hope that it can once again lead Broad Street and inspire students, however this is currently nothing more than a distant dream…a very distant dream.

Greens – Snobs

A home to the ‘alternative’ revellers, the people who don’t want to conform to the Broad Street consensus. The dress code reflects this view with cardigans, ‘fanny packs’ and high tops a regular feature.

“I leave my laptop on charge all day, everyday, what the fuck you gonna do about it?!”

A small place but you can’t argue with those prices, think how much you could buy on a living wage? No glitz or glamour just a ‘raw’ night out and unashamedly so, yet for many that is exactly the problem. The question still remains: Can it compete with the big boys?

One of the longest standing clubs and great night out every now-and-then, but longs for the mainstream support to really break into the big league.