‘There’s a lot of things I can’t do in here that I would do at home’: The Tab meets The UoB Library Hermit

Amongst the reams of books and computers, UoB’s Library now boasts its very own Hermit. Intrigued by the story, The Tab managed to catch up with the mystery man

The lone ranger in question? A failing third year student who has been promised £30,000 by his excessively wealthy older brother if he manages to just pass his degree.

Some would give their right hand for such an opportunity, but needing an average of 72% in order to do so, this guy is in a pretty sticky situation.

If that’s not bad enough, the challenge involves a truly sickening condition…he must live in the library for the next six weeks.

Recognising his somewhat peculiar situation, the student “keeps himself sane” by sharing his thoughts over a Facebook page, which has received over 5,000 likes in just four days. 

His secret’s going nowhere soon

In just a matter of days – the Hermit acquired more likes than the Tab Brum page.

Keen to paint a better picture of the man behind the mask, we met up with the Hermit in order to ask him some essential questions:

So Hermit, let’s cut to the chase. You mention “alcohol-related” reasons for screwing up your last couple of years at University. How often were you going out on the razz?

I don’t think I really went out much more than most students (brief pause in which a thousand cocaine-fuelled orgies flash across his face)… I just wasn’t putting in any of the work in between. I wasn’t going to any of my lectures, I wasn’t going to any of my seminars and I definitely wasn’t doing any of my essays.

What will you do if you don’t pass this year?

I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it…

He could always sell the rights to his story to a film director…

One of J.R.R. Tolkein’s lesser known works…

Have you seen any funny things during your time so far in the library?

I have, yeah… and those experiences will be posted on my page in due course 

What kind of library-frequenter do you find most annoying?

The couples that feel the need to express their undying love for each other in the Quiet Area of the library, rather than in the Loud Area.

Have you had anyone come up to you yet, having realised that you are The Hermit?

Not at all, actually. Obviously all five of my housemates know, but they’re keeping my identity under lock and key.

Home sweet home

How do you combat boredom?

There’s a lot of things that I can’t do in here that I would do at home… if you know what I mean. (A rue smile follows this) But I like the iLounge; it’s a good place to sit, eat and people-watch.

How are you finding the sleeping conditions?

Pretty bad! I’m getting about five or six hours on average, and that’s even on the comfy sofas in the iLounge. I’m having to move to more uncomfortable places this evening to keep myself hidden.

Is it affecting your ability to work well?

Maybe, yeah… I haven’t been here too long at this point, so we’ll have to see what the actual outcome of sleeping in here will be.

What do you do to take the edge off the stress?

My journeys to Tesco are always good… and I also discovered the sauna in the Munrow the other day whilst I was having my shower. It was pretty nice.

A cheeky one for you. How are you going to cope for six weeks without sex?

(Laughs) I’ve survived longer before.

This Hermit is no stranger to celibacy

And, our final question. Who is your hiding idol?

My hiding idol?  I’m not sure how easy it is to come up with someone that won’t be controversial. Sorry guys, I’ll have to pass this one.

Not one to let us down, The Tab received the following message from the Hermit a few hours later..

 I’ve been thinking about it… Phil Leotardo from The Sopranos is my hiding idol… he was a badass.

The Hermit can worm his way into the most difficult hiding spots

Hopefully The Tab’s interview will provide the proof needed to silence the doubters, who have made their thoughts known on Facebook this week.

Use of year 3 Maths showing how the Hermit’s figures just don’t add up…

Meanwhile the hunt for the hermit looks set to continue.

He may be constantly on the move, but there are only so many dark corners in this library. As the page grows, so do the conspiracy theories.

If you think you’ve discovered the true identity of the Hermit, send your pictures into [email protected]