Every girl you’ll meet in the FAB toilets

Like all club toilets, the ladies room at Fab N Fresh is no different in its display of a multitude of specimens, each at varying levels of intoxication with VK in hand. The queue features a clashing of these strange species, united in their drunken mess but each distinctive in their own, peculiar way.

The one constantly in tears

Surrounded by friends/near enough strangers, Crying Girl crouches by the hand dryers, mascara dripping down her face as she sobs to the crowd. He said they were exclusive, how could he do this? She clearly saw him touch another girl’s bum whilst dancing to What Do U Mean in the underground. The pack gently try to return her to looking like a human and gently pat her on the back, nursing her with promises of a Jagerbomb.

The girl who asks to borrow your lipstick

She peers over as you’re reapplying, concluding that this brand new Charlotte Tilbury matte shade is exactly what she needs to continue her night. Of course the kind stranger won’t mind you getting your sticky lips all over a lipstick that cost half her student loan. Go ahead.

The one who’s been parred off and is now looking for a fight

You pushed in the queue and she’s not happy about it. She loudly proclaims how rude it is when people push in. She makes sure she can edge her elbow past you to the nearest cubicle as soon as it frees up. You were only trying to get to your friends, you weren’t pushing in, honestly. She has none of it. Might be something to do with the guy she fancies buying you a drink earlier.

The girl with no friends

No one knows where she came from. No one knows who she is with. No one knows if she is queueing or not, but is too scared to ask. She’s wavering around the sinks approaching strangers for a chat, and here she will remain until the end of time.

The selfie queens

You have 52 of the same photo in the morning. None of them are Facebook-worthy.

The girl who’s really, really nice and instantly becomes your new best friend

“Omg I love your skirt, is it from Topshop? It’s so nice I almost bought it the other day. You have such good taste. And I love your make up. So hard to not smudge your eyeliner on a night out isn’t it. We should be friends. Add me on Facebook.”

The girls ridiculously dressed up for no reason

There’s always an odd group in costumes while the rest of the Fab goers go about life in normal human being attire. When you ask why they are all too eager to explain the rules of socials in the Archery club and how you should definitely get involved.

The girl on a netball social who shouts ‘I want some cock tonight’

Seeing as you “know your way round the D” I’m sure you’ll be fine.

The ones who somehow turn into models when the camera comes out

much banter

What better place to have a quick photo shoot than the ladies room? This is a question that frequently puzzles this species of girl. The lighting will really highlight that contour I’m sure. And it’s not like there are people trying to actually wee here. Don’t you worry, block us all in, I’m sure Fab will pause for you.

The girls holding a conference in the disabled loo

Get you get the fuck out of there please I’m DYING.